ROGER’SPROFANISAURUSROGER’SPROFANISAURUSROGER’SPROFAN
argumentfromdesign,the 1.
n.Aphilosophicalrationalefor
theexistenceofacreatordeity,
positingthatlivingorganisms
aretoowelldesignedtohave
originatedbychance.2.n.De-
finitive proof that there can be
nogod,basedonthefrankly
upsettingfactthatitisanatomi-
callypossibleforamantosit
upon-andcrush-hisown
ballbag.Nottomentionthe
empiricalevidenceofhowdif-
ficult it is to have apissinthe
darkwitharagingboneratfour
inthemorning.
aromatherapyn.Thehead-and
room-clearingtherapeuticalef-
fectsofaripetreacletart.
avoidsPC World euph. Said
ofsomeonewhowouldrather
thattheirharddrivewasnot
professionallyexamined.
Balrogwantshisdinner1.ex-
clam.Quotefromtheepony-
mouscharacterasfeatured
inthecult1990sbeat-em-up
computergameStreetFighter.
Itsayshere.2.exclam.Humor-
ousripostetoanabrupt,growl-
in analannouncement that
mldsindignancewithawet
s seofsuperiority.
bi giro n. Government-pro-
e undsthatallowarest-
tlemantopurchasethe
ttentionsofanhirsuteforeign object firmly lodged up
hisrectumandanaccompany-
ing flimsy excuse,viz.He“sat
onit”.‘Betterbreakoutthe
rubbergloves,nurse. We’ve
gotanotherblindsitterinthe
waitingroom.’
bloatox n. Food-basedfacial
rejuvenationsystem,where-
byone’s mug looks firmer,
tighterandyoungerafterus-
ing “fillers”, viz. Anintense
programmeofGreggspasties,
chickennuggetsandchipsto
createtheeffectofayouthfully
bloatedvisage.
BOHOFacronym.Inthestyle
of, say,WorldWar 1flying ace
AlbertBallorspeedway’sBar-
ryBriggs.BallsOut,HairOn
Fire.‘Borisisplanningtoruna
realBOHOFadministration.’
bombscare n.A supermarket
shitofsuchstenchfulintensity
thatitclearstheshop.
Brazilliandeforestationn.The
changefromatuftedlanding
striptothefullbabyKojak.
buffingyoureggs1.n.Techni-
caljargonforcleaningchicken
eggs.Itsayshere.We’renot
lookingitup.2.n. Aninti-
mateactof personaldelight
perfomedbyafemalefinger-
smi
cab in n.Coso ng
a h rtLynx,inthe
aftermathof a
particularlynoi-
someExchange&
Mart.
carelesswhispern.Fol-
lowingthroughinthestyleof
an80spoptune.
centralreservation1.n.Area
separatingopposinglanesof
traffic on a divided carriage-
way. 2.n. Thesparselyveg-
etated,somewhatweed-strewn
regionbetwixtthemissus’s
arseandherfanny.
clitbaitn.Clickbaitofamore
specialisednature,thatisesti-
matedtomakeupto90%of
theinternet.
cumbilicalcordn.Astringof
jizzdangledbetweenabloke’s
hermanjelmetandhismissus’s
snatch.
deaddogn.AThoraofstupen-
dousproportionsthatisattract-
ing flies.
DFSabbrev.AnelephantineAn-
drewthesizeofawellstuffed,
brownleathersofa.FromDou-
bleFl shSituation.
doors omanual 1.exclam.
ircr tcrewinstructiongiven
th theescapeslidewill
td loywhen hedooris
en 2.e h.Te mpleas-
m op na il letoa
o s s nex-fapkinn.Likeanapkin,butnot
usedforcleaningupafter a
nap.
fudgeicing n. Thedecorative
coatingfoundonthebowlsof
portable shitters towardsthe
endofGlastonburyandsimilar
festivals.
fullspatchcock,gothev.Todo
somethingyouneverthought
waspossible. ‘Lookathow
wideherlegsare,yourholi-
ness.Howdoesshedothat?’
‘She’sgonethefullspatchcock,
cardinal.’
giraffe’sneck,cocklikeasim.
Adescriptionofanimpressive
malemember.Seealsobaby’s
armclutchingaJaffaorPring-
lestubewithasheep’shearton
top.‘Goodnessgracious,Mr
PoundMP.You’vegotacock
likeagiraffe’sneck.’
glandicapn.Measureofawom-
an’spotentialtoinspireabon-
er.Similartoagolfer’shandi-
cap.Actually,nottoosimilar,
ifyouthinkaboutit.‘Mywife
playsoff glandicapoftwenty-n.Anexoticherbal
hichhasbeencon-
andsecretedabout
onbeforeattending
thering.Shouldany-
rexampleMichael
erenquireastothe
ofany jazzcab-
anthenberetrieved
hidingplacewith a
of“here’soneIpre-
er”.
nnial 1.n.Aplant
sn’tdieinthewinter
ing.2.n.Anageing
whoisperpetu-
us,eg.RodStewart,
er.
wnSurprise n. A
htthatislaiddown
te being flushed out
ainsproudlylurking
end,justwithineye-
readytodefendthe
romenemyattack.
icketshit n. When
ished having adump
startedwipingyourringpiece andyousuddenly
realise: “Comehere,there’s
more.”
Littlehampton,theRtHon
memberforeuph.Aminus-
culeandmiserablelooking
chopper,ascruellyrumoured
tobeownedbyred-faced,
short-cocked backbench Tory
MPMarkFrancois.malementn.Aparticularlynas-
ty illness or affliction affecting
onlythebearersofXYchro-
mosomes.Seealsomanthrax,
he-bolaetc.
morninghasbroken exclam.
Somethingtoexclaimjoyfully
afterdroppingthe firstgutof
thegloriousnewday.‘Opena
window,dear,formorninghas
broken.’
panstick1.n.Acosmeticused
fortheatricalmake-up.2.n.An
arseoffering,hastilysnapped
off and left floating in a mu-
nicipalshitter.UNFAIR
ASPARAGUS
RANSOM
(ProfanisaurusAnagrams)WHENI was a girl, my gran
taught me this little rhyme:
ThoughTwain means two,
Look close and see,
In ShaniaTwain,
There three A’s be.
So “I wanna shit” isnotan
anagram of Shania Twain,
as claimed in the last issue
by Matt in Lanzarote. So he
can fuck off.
MarianDann,York
*Well spotted, Mrs Dann, he
can fuck off indeed. And he
can jolly well return the Viz
pen that he won, when we
get around to sending it to
him.The Latest Update from
Britain’s F ite Lexicon
oger of Filth a ofanity
’
s
ANISAURUS ROGER’S PROFANISAURUS ROGER’S PROFANISAURUS ROGER