FEATURES YBJULY & AUGUST 2019 | 19Image: Gallo Images/Getty Images
Children are struggling to socialise and
communicate effectively because we, as
adults, are losing the value of meaningful
in-person conversation and one-on-one
“off-screen” engagement.
Asking questions that require more
than “yes” or “no” as an answer (also
known as “listening” questions) stimulates
conversation and engagement to ensure
quality bonding time with your child.
Here are some listening questions to
get you started:
✓ How did you sleep?
✓ Tell me about your picture.✓ What is the one thing you want to
do today?
✓ What did you learn about at school?
✓ Who is your favourite character in
(a TV show/movie/book) and why do
you like (insert character name)?
✓ What made you happy today?
✓ What is the first thing you want to do
when we get to (the park/playground/
granny and grandpa’s house)?
✓ Can you sing me a song?
✓ What is your favourite animal? Why?
✓ How many hugs or kisses do you
need today?(Source: penguinsinpink.com/35-questions-to-engage-your-preschooler-or-toddler)eye contact – a simple yet fundamental
social skill that’s being marred by our
generation’s dependence on technology.
“Because parents are often staring at
screens – including while speaking to,
or being spoken to, by our children – we
are modelling that eye contact is not
important. Children feel like parents are
not really listening, because they aren’t- and their relationship is negatively
affected. The way we communicate with
our children is the way our children
will learn to communicate with others,”
Celeste says.
PHYSICALLY PRESENT,
EMOTIONALLY ABSENT
Teaching children social skills requires
engagement, not presence, and being
physically present is the least of what
a parent or caregiver needs to be doing.
In addition to being present, parents
need to teach, guide, laugh and have
fun with their children. It’s not only
about setting an example of how people
should behave in the world, but also
about teaching them how one should be
engaging with others.
“Sometimes parents get so zoned into
their screens that they become snappy
with their children for interrupting what
they are watching or reading online,
even when the child is trying to engage
in a positive way.
“The child will very soon stop trying- or worse, look for attention through
negative behaviour – if this doesn’t
change,” she says.
AN ALL-OR-NOTHING APPROACH
Many modern-day parents rely on
technology to put food on the table,
and a lot of work communication takes
place over cellphones or on laptops.
Realistically, there’s no getting around
screens and technology being an ever-
present fixture in your household.
With this in mind, Celeste advises
parents to commit to being on their
phones or laptops at home with purpose
and intention, or not at all.
“For example, if you’re busy typing an
email, and your child enters the room
asking for your attention, either stop
immediately and turn toward them with
your hands off the keyboard to hear
what they need. Alternatively, ask them
to wait, finish your paragraph on the
email, thank your child for waiting, and
then ask them what they need.”
Celeste encourages parents to not
divide their attention between screens
and children. So, give either your child
or work 100 percent of your attention,
and move on to the next task.CHILDREN ALSO NEED TO UNWIND
While one-on-one engagement with a
parent or caregiver is integral to your
child’s development, “chill time” is a
helpful tool that teaches little ones to
play quietly and independently for an
age-appropriate length of time.
Celeste explains that chill time could
mean that each child goes to his/her
room for a certain amount of time to
play or read quietly before the family
comes together again.
“Not only is it a wonderfully valuable
tool to give your children some space,
especially when they’re getting on
each other’s nerves, it’s also really
helpful when you need some time to get
work done without interruption,” she
suggests.
However, advises Celeste, first spend
five to 10 minutes of alone time with
each child to “top up their love tank”,
which will enable them to spend time
playing on their own for a much longer
stretch of time before they feel the need
for one-on-one attention again.BE MINDFUL OF YOUR
GROWING CHILD
While work deadlines or urgent admin
tasks may be demanding your attention,
there’s no job more important than your
role as a parent or caregiver. The concept
may be obvious, but parents can easily
amble through life like a hamster in
a wheel, ticking off “to-do’s” without
thinking about the bigger picture. It’sdifficult for most adults to stop for
a second to be in the moment. Children,
however, are able to live in the now.
“Be conscious of choosing your child
over your screen. Make eye contact
with your children, and show interest
in their lives.
Teach – by modelling with your own
behaviour – the importance of listening,
of asking ‘listening questions’, showing
interest in their thoughts and feelings.
“Smile! Speak to them with warmth
and kindness,” she says.
Stop taking videos and photos of
everything – another unwelcome side
effect of parenting in the 21st century.
“Stop and soak in the moment every
once in a while. When children see you
watching them rather than the screen
that’s pointed at them, it is far more
valuable,” she points out.
Celeste urges parents to switch off all
social-media notifications and to allocate
specific days of the week or time in
the day to look at posts and respond to
messages at one time – time that you’ve
blocked out for that purpose.
“Is it really important that you
know immediately what a person you
haven’t seen since school had for lunch
today? No. It is far more important to
be engaged with your precious tiny
humans – to watch your baby giggling
at his toes, or to witness your five-year-
old attempting cartwheels. Be present.
Appreciate and soak in all the little
treasures of parenthood.” YBSPEND FIVE TO 10 MINUTES OF
ALONE-TIME WITH EACH CHILD
TO ‘TOP UP THEIR LOVE TANK’