baby & toddler
L&L | AUGUST 2019 | 63If you don’t get dressed right now, you’re
going to school with nothing on!
For most young children, the "threat" of leaving home in PJs (or naked) is
not actually a threat at all, says Colinda. “They also don’t understand time
urgency around routines and leaving home timeously in order to avoid traffic."
RATHER: Choose your battles, and preferably not during a high-pressure
time like the morning routine. Give her two options: “Do you feel like
wearing your red top or the blue one?” Or, “Are you getting dressed first
or eating first?” For the older child, you could ask a question that gets
her thinking, because if she's thinking she's not arguing. For example:
● “Would you like me to help you pack up or
would you like to do it by yourself?”
● “Shall we go out in the morning or in the afternoon?”
● “What’s next on your list to get ready this morning?” »If you hit your brother again,
I’m going to hit you!
“Toddlers are, by nature, physical – so when there are two or more in
one space, sooner or later there’s going to be some sort of conflict,”
explains Colinda. “The typical behaviour you’ll see is hitting as an
expression of pure frustration or self-defence. Patience only stretches so
far,” she concedes, “especially when your child is a ‘repeat offender’
and doesn’t seem to learn that lashing out when upset is not OK. It’s at
times like these when you’re also fed up that these words tend to pop out
in sheer frustration, too. The problem is, you’re trying to solve violence
with more violence, and this mixed message can be very confusing for
your child: “I can’t hit, but mom or dad can, so is it allowed or not?”
RATHER: Gently and calmly remove his arm from whoever he’s hitting, so
he can’t hit again. You can let him try, especially if he’s really frustrated
or angry, but prevent his arm from landing. In a moderate tone, use
words such as, “No, that doesn’t feel good,” or, “I can’t let you do
that” are far more helpful than threats of hitting the child yourself.
Stop crying,
can’t you see
that everyone is
laughing at you?
The tactic of getting children to
stop crying with social humiliation
can be effective when toddlers start
becoming aware of others around
them, but ridicule is not discipline
and is often ineffective in the long
run, says clinical psychologist
Candice Carmen. “During this
developmental stage, children
generally experience a range of
emotions as they’re exposed to the
excitement of play, the stimulation
of social engagement and the
learning of social rules and norms.
It’s also a time of self-esteem as
well as social building, which are
crucial to the formation of identity
and confidence. So when you try
to correct your child’s behaviour
by humiliating her, think again,
because it could leave a long-
lasting impact on her self esteem,
confidence and identity."
RATHER: Aim to acknowledge her
emotions by helping her identify
her feelings and empathise
with her. Give her a hug or hold
her hand and use words such
as, “I can see that you’re upset
and it’s OK to cry if things make
you feel sad” and, “Let mommy
help you figure out what we
can do to make it better.”