June• 2019 | 61“It’s a text from my
microwave ... Leftovers for
dinner again tonight.”■ A malapropism walks into a bar,
looking for all intensive purposes
like a wolf in cheap clothing,
muttering epitaphs.
■ A non sequitur walks into a bar. In
a s trong wind, even turkeys can fly.
■ A mixed metaphor walks into a bar,
seeing the handwriting on the wall
but hoping to nip it in the bud.
■ A cliché walks into a bar – fresh
as a d aisy, cute as a button, and
sharp a s a tack.
■ A synonym strolls into a tavern.
bluebirdofbitterness.com
FL AT PACKS
A truck carrying 12 tonnes of liquid
chocolate spilled its load across a
highway. A newspaper asked its
readers, “If a confectioner were to
scrape up and sell all that chocolate,
what brand name might it have?”
■ Mr Goodtar
■ Pave-mint
■ Tobleroad
■ Chock Full O’RocksPECKING ORDER
A vulture boards a plane
carrying t wo dead raccoons.
The air hostess says,
“I’m t erribly sorry, Sir, but we only
allow one carrion.” Seen on TwitterDoes That
Cost E xtra?Ordering cake over phone:
“And what would you like the
cake to say?” asks the baker.
Covers phone to ask wife:
“Do we want a talking cake?”
@KEETPOTATO