The Guardian - 31.07.2019

(WallPaper) #1

Section:GDN 12 PaGe:2 Edition Date:190731 Edition:01 Zone: Sent at 30/7/2019 18:22 cYanmaGentaYellowbla



  • The Guardian
    Wednesday 31 July 2019


When one


wedding dress


isn’t enough


Pass notes Shortcuts


Once, it was all about the profundity
of the singular: you married The
One and you wore The Dress. Today,
the numbers have shifted – 42% of
marriages end in divorce, and it is
quite normal for a bride to wear two
dresses on her wedding day.
The Duchesses of Cambridge
and Sussex did it, as did Gwyneth
Paltrow. The logic is quite simple:
a  formal number for the ceremony
and something a little less
cumbersome for the reception.
But what of the brides who feel
compelled to go further? Multiple
wedding dresses are a rising trend.
Solange had three jumpsuits, and
Chrissy Teigen wore three gowns , all
by Vera Wang. Kim Kardashian West
wore three dresses to her second
and third weddings; at the latter, her
2014 wedding to Kanye West, she
chose Valentino for her pre-wedding
breakfast, Givenchy with a cathedral
train for the aisle and a  pearled
Balmain minidress for the evening.
A woman’s decision to wear
multiple wedding dresses could be
viewed as progress – an indication of
the way that women’s roles are now
rich and multifaceted; even when we
marry, we are not just a wife, we are

Age: New.
Appearance: Large, waterproof, Trump-esque.
Why Trump-esque? Is it bright orange? It is
dark blue, but it is personalised.
What do you mean? It says “P RIME MINISTER”
on it.
Why would anyone give Boris Johnson a
jacket that says PRIME MINISTER on it? Is it
some kind of joke? Have you been on holiday
or something?
No, but I have been in a coma. What did
I miss? Johnson, the actual prime minister,
was given the Royal Navy foulie – or foul
weather – jacket as a gift by the Ministry of
Defence when he visited HMNB Clyde, a  naval
base in Faslane, Scotland.
This is a lot to take in. Trust me, most of
Scotland feels the same.
The personalised touch does feel like an
American thing. It’s certainly reminiscent of
the “Commander-in-Chief ” military clobber
that US presidents wear with such pride when
visiting military bases, or in Trump’s case,
abiding irony.
Because he dodged the draft fi ve times using
the excuse of bone spurs in his feet? Yes, and
because he looks silly in a fl ight jacket.
How did Johnson look in his foulie? Typically
rumpled. Supremely unready for rough seas,
gathering storms or long periods under water.
It’s a bit weird walking around with your
name on your clothes – a little like having
your mittens pinned to your sleeves, or
being made to wear your house key round
your neck. It doesn’t actually read “Boris
Johnson ” anywhere on the jacket. Just
prime  minister.
That’s a relief. We can just take it back and use
it for the next person. It’s unlikely Johnson
will give it up without a fi ght.
Good point. Anyway, I’ll bet the MoD
have whole racks of them made up ahead
of time. They may well need them in the
coming months.
What else did Johnson do during his visit
to Faslane? He strode about trying to look
purposeful, chatted to some submariners and
directly contradicted statements made by his
own ministers on Brexit.
A full morning, then. Frankly, I’m surprised
anyone let that bumbling incompetent
anywhere near a nuclear base. They had to,
because he’s the prime minister.
Please stop saying that. The jacket doesn’t lie.
Do say: “For sale, one personalised Royal
Navy jacket. Like new, some red wine
staining on sleeve.”
Don’t say: “Sorry sir, we’re all out of the p rime
minister ones. We’ve got two that say ‘Catering
Services ’ and a mascot that’s been altered to
fi t a parrot. Have you tried having a look at the
online gift shop?”

No 4,025


Boris Johnson’s coat


Rochester Cathedral has come


up with a novel way of bringing


in the visitors this summer :


installing a minigolf course in


its nave. A spokesperson for


the Kent cathedral said the course will bring putters


into what “might be a previously unvisited building”.


While some Catholics are teed off by the idea (one


describ ed it as a “sacrilege against God”), for minigolf


fans like me it is an opportunity to play another


unusual course – of which there are many sensational


ones around the world. Here are some of the best.


The world’s


best minigolf


courses


The Blue Planet eff ect has swiped
its keycard and entered the
mainstream hospitality sector.
In an eff ort to kick out avoidable
single-use plastic by 2021,
InterContinental Hotels Group
(IHG) in the UK, will remove all
small plastic toiletry bottles from
its 843,000 rooms in 5,600 hotels.
If you’re a regular hotel guest,
especially at low-cost chains, you
may have already experienced the
switch to those bulk dispensers and
the multipurpose surfactants that
promise to do more than one job:
ie shampoo and condition.
But upmarket miniatures will
be a loss. Brands such as Molton
Brown are beloved by those who
practise “the sweep”. This is when,
in the dying seconds of your stay,
you swipe a crooked arm across the

At last hotels


are giving up


mini toiletries


1 Ahlgrim Acres, Palatine,
Illinois
Hidden beneath a funeral home in
Chicago is an extraordinary minigolf
course where mourners can take
their minds off bereavement by
putting through a coffi n, under
a moving guillotine and through
a  haunted house.

4 Hastings Adventure Golf
Known as the UK’s home of minigolf,
Hastings also has three courses


  • a classic one complete with the
    obligatory lighthouse and windmill,
    an adventure course with totem
    poles that spit water at you as you
    play, and a tricky pirate-themed
    course. It will host minigolf ’s British
    Open in September.


2 Priština Golf, Çagllavicë,
Kosovo
Possibly the hardest minigolf
course in the world , Kosovo’s only
course, a few miles south of the
capital, stretches the defi nition
of the term “mini”. In a desolate
fi eld surrounded by stray dogs and
overgrown fi elds lie 18 of the longest
minigolf holes I’ve ever played.
The course record is 47 ; I shot
90-something.

3 Championship Adventure Golf,
New Brighton, Merseyside
Ever wanted to walk up the 18th at
St Andrew s, or test yourself on the
famous “island green” 17th at TPC
Sawgrass? Just over the Mersey from
Liverpool, you can live your dream
of being a pro golfer on a course
featuring reconstructions of the
world’s most famous holes. If the
pressure is too much for you, there’s
a more relaxed second course based
on Wirral landmarks.

5 Bubbeljungle Golf in the Dark,
Leiderdorp, Netherlands
In case the minigolf itself is not
compelling enough, this glow-in-
the-dark indoor course is also an
interactive mystery story. Someone
has kidnapped a famous singer, Diva
Laguna, and it’s your job to rescue
her. Deliver justice on the fi nal hole
by driving your golf ball into the
villain’s mouth.

6 Lexington Ice & Rec Center,
Kentucky
A three-in-one location, with the
courses based on the Bible. On the
Old Testament course, you have to
avoid obstacles such as the tree of
knowledge, climb Jacob’s ladder
and scale Mount Sinai. Then follow
the star to Bethlehem on the New
Testament course and watch as
water turns into wine on the third –
miracle-themed – course.
Alan Evans

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