15-05-2021-052358It-Ends-with-Us

wishes I would have never met him. Part of me wishes I could forgive
him.
He unwraps his arms from around my waist and presses a hand
into the mattress next to us. He pulls himself up and then sits on the
bed. His elbows rest on his knees and his hands are drawn up to his
mouth.
I sit next to him, knowing we have to have this conversation, but
not wanting to. “Naked truths?”
He nods.
I don’t know which one of us is supposed to go first. I don’t really
have much to say to him at this point, so I wait for him to speak first.
“I don’t even know where to start, Lily.” He rubs his hands down
his face.
“How about you start with, ‘I’m sorry I attacked you.’ ”
His eyes meet mine, wide with certainty. “Lily, you have no idea. I
am so sorry. You have no idea what I’ve been through these past two
months knowing what I’ve done to you.”
I clench my teeth together. I can feel my fingers as they fist around
the blanket beside me.
I have no idea what he’s been through?
I shake my head, slowly. “You have no idea, Ryle.”
I stand up, the anger and hatred spilling out of me. I spin, pointing
at him. “You have no idea! You have no idea what it’s like to go
through what you’ve put me through! To fear for your life at the
hands of the man you love? To get physically sick just thinking about
what he’s done to you? You have no idea, Ryle! None! Fuck you! Fuck
you for doing this to me!”
I suck in a huge breath, shocked at myself. The anger just came
like a wave. I swipe at my tears and spin around, unable to look at
him.
“Lily,” he says. “I don’t.. .”
“No!” I yell, spinning around again. “I am not finished! You don’t
get to say your truth until I’ve said mine!”
He’s grabbing at his jaw, squeezing the stress out of it. He drops his
eyes to the floor, unable to look at the rage in mine. I take three steps
toward him and drop to my knees. I place my hands on his legs,
forcing him to look me straight in the eyes while I speak to him.