15-05-2021-052358It-Ends-with-Us

feels good sharing this with him, but I’m also scared I might be giving
him false hope.
Now that he’s here and he saw the nursery, I’m not sure what to do
next. It’s glaringly obvious that we need to discuss a lot of things, but I
have no idea where to start. Or how.
I walk over to the rocking chair and take a seat. “Naked truth?” I
say, looking up at him.
He exhales a huge breath and nods, then takes a seat on the sofa.
“Please. Lily, please tell me you’re ready to talk about this.”
His reaction eases my nerves a little, knowing he’s ready to discuss
everything. I wrap my arms around my stomach and lean forward in
the rocking chair. “You go first.”
He clasps his hands together between his knees. He looks at me
with so much sincerity, I have to glance away.
“I don’t know what you want from me, Lily. I don’t know what role
you want me to have. I’m trying to give you all the space you need,
but at the same time I want to help more than you possibly know. I
want to be in our baby’s life. I want to be your husband and I want to
be good at it. But I have no idea what’s going through your head.”
His words fill me with guilt. Despite what has happened between us
in the past, he’s still this baby’s father. He has the legal right to be a
father, no matter how I feel about it. And I want him to be a father. I
want him to be a good father. But deep down, I’m still holding on to
one of my biggest fears, and I know I need to talk to him about it.
“I would never keep you from your child, Ryle. I’m happy you want
to be involved. But.. .”
He leans forward and buries his face in his hands with that last
word.
“What kind of mother would I be if a small part of me doesn’t have
concern in regard to your temper? The way you lose control? How do
I know something won’t set you off while you’re alone with this baby?”
So much agony floods his eyes, I think they might burst like dams.
He begins to shake his head adamantly. “Lily, I would never.. .”
“I know, Ryle. You would never intentionally hurt your own child. I
don’t even believe it was intentional when you hurt me, but you did.
And trust me, I want to believe that you would never do something
like that. My father was only abusive toward my mother. There are