15-05-2021-052358It-Ends-with-Us

many men—women even—who abuse their significant others without
ever losing their temper with anyone else. I want to believe your words
with all my heart, but you have to understand where my hesitation
comes in. I’ll never deny you a relationship with your child. But I’m
going to need you to be really patient with me while you rebuild all
the trust you’ve broken.”
He nods in agreement. He has to know that I’m giving him much
more than he deserves. “Absolutely,” he says. “This is on your terms.
Everything is on your terms, okay?”
Ryle’s hands come together again and he begins to chew nervously
on his bottom lip. I sense he has more to say, but he’s doubting
whether or not he should say it.
“Go ahead and say whatever you’re thinking while I’m in the mood
to talk about it.”
He tilts his head back and looks up at the ceiling. Whatever it is, it’s
hard for him. I don’t know if it’s because the question is hard to ask
or because he’s scared of the answer I might give him.
“What about us?” he whispers.
I lean my head back and sigh. I knew this question would come,
but it’s really difficult to give him an answer I don’t have. Divorce or
reconciliation are really the only two options we have, but neither is a
choice I want to make.
“I don’t want to give you false hope, Ryle,” I say quietly. “If I had to
make a choice today... I’d probably choose divorce. But in all
honesty, I don’t know if I would be making that choice because I’m
overloaded with pregnancy hormones or because it’s what I really
want. I don’t think it would be fair to either of us if I made that
decision before the birth of this baby.”
He blows out a shaky breath and then brings a hand up to the back
of his neck, squeezing tightly. Then he stands up and faces me.
“Thank you,” he says. “For inviting me over. For the conversation. I’ve
been wanting to stop by since I was here a couple of weeks ago, but I
didn’t know how you’d feel about it.”
“I don’t know how I would have felt about it, either,” I say with
complete honesty. I try to push myself out of the rocking chair, but for
some reason it’s become a lot harder in the past week. Ryle walks over
and reaches for my hand to help me up.