9781529032178

I gave him the benefit of the doubt, allowing for the possibility that I’d
misread him. Soon after that, he asked to go out with me alone, so I chalked
up the first “date” to a misunderstanding.
A month later, I thought I’d surprise Craig by showing up to cheer him
on at his track team practice. Not only did he not thank me for my support,
he ignored me completely. He was with his friends and didn’t even say
hello. What could I do but conclude that he was ashamed of me?
Afterward, I confronted Craig about his behavior. He said, “Marsha,
when we’re in the company of other people, I don’t think they need to know
we’re a couple.” His words made me furious and reduced me to tears. But
then he hugged and kissed me, and I made up with him. Soon, despite Craig
not acknowledging our relationship in public, it became apparent that we
were indeed a couple.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t the last time I discovered that we weren’t on the
same page. We’d been dating for several months, and to my mind our
relationship was progressing nicely. So to make things clearer, I told my old
boyfriend—whom I’d still meet on occasion—that I couldn’t see him
anymore. When I mentioned this to Craig, his response caught me off
guard. “Why did you tell your ex that? It’s still very early and this might not
lead to anything!”
After a couple more months of seeing each other, Craig and I finally
seemed to be in sync. He was moving into a one-bedroom apartment and
suggested I move in with him. I liked it that he was making a commitment,
and agreed. It seemed perfectly natural to everyone; Craig was a great guy
and he made a good impression. People who knew him superficially
thought he was really nice. The truth, however, was that my life with Craig
was becoming an emotional roller coaster and I’d find myself in tears on a
daily basis.
For one thing, Craig was always comparing me with his ex-girlfriend
Ginger. According to Craig, she was perfect—smart, beautiful, interesting,
and sophisticated. The fact that they still kept in touch was extremely
difficult for me and made me feel unsure of myself. While he was quick to
build up Ginger, he was just as quick to belittle me, especially when it came
to my intellectual abilities. It killed me that he thought that I was in some
way slow. But I knew I was bright—after all, I was a student at an Ivy
League university—so I let it go.