pups, we can think of nothing but getting back together with our loved one.
The fact that one person can take away all our discomfort in a split second
makes it very hard to resist the temptation to see him or her again. Just
being in the same room is enough to entirely relieve the anxiety in a way
that no other single friend or family member can.
For this simple reason, many individuals find it hard to follow through on
their wish to break up, even after they’ve tried more than once to do it. It
also explains why Marsha chose to maintain some contact with Craig, long
after they separated. Anxious people may take a very long time to get over a
bad attachment, and they don’t get to decide how long it will take. Only
when every single cell in their body is completely convinced that there is no
chance that their partner will change or that they will ever reunite will they
be able to deactivate and let go.
ESCAPE FROM ALCATRAZ
Even without knowing about the rebound effect, Marsha could see that she
was in trouble. After all, she had experienced the rebound effect before.
Marsha was afraid that she might have a change of heart again, and she was
greatly relieved when Craig took matters into his own hands—standing by
his word to leave, the next time she threatened him with divorce. The night
she said she wanted out, everything happened very quickly. She packed a
small bag and called her sister to pick her up right away. From an
attachment perspective, this was a very well-planned departure.
Being near her sister in a familiar, nurturing environment helped with one
aspect of her distressed attachment system; talking to her friends on the
phone and getting their support was another; eating ice cream and
chocolate, yet another. None of these comforts completely relieved her
separation distress, and sometimes she lost sight of why she had needed to
break up with Craig. Then her friends and family would remind her,
sometimes on an hourly basis, why it was necessary.