Studies have found that the same areas in the brain that light up in imaging
scans when we break a leg are activated when we split up with our mate. As
part of a reaction to a breakup, our brain experiences the departure of an
attachment figure in a similar way to that in which it registers physical pain.
But it’s not just a feeling of pain that takes over. Other thought processes
are also hijacked in the process. Once your attachment system becomes
activated, another interesting phenomenon is triggered: You will get
overwhelmed by positive memories of the few good times you had together
and forget the multitude of bad experiences. You’ll recall how sweet he or
she was to you the other day when you were distressed and conveniently
forget that he or she was the one to hurt you in the first place. An activated
attachment system is immensely powerful. It is a very important reason
why Marsha stayed as long as she did.
RETURNING TO THE SCENE OF THE CRIME
What happens when you do reunite with your partner after a breakup?
Myron Hofer, a colleague of Amir’s from Columbia University and a
leading researcher in the field of the psychobiology of mother-infant
attachment, describes a fascinating discovery in one of his studies. When rat
pups are separated from their mothers, a number of physiological reactions
occur: their activity level goes down, their heart rate goes down, and so
does their growth hormone level. In Hofer’s studies, he gradually replaced
each maternal attribute with an artificial substitute: He first warmed the
pups with a heating pad, then fed them so their stomachs would be full, and
later patted them with a brush, imitating their mother’s licking action. He
found that each intervention helped with one aspect of their separation
distress. Feeding the pups helped maintain their heart rate at a normal level,
warming them helped keep their activity intact, and brushing them helped
raise their growth hormone secretion.
But only one intervention alleviated all the symptoms at once, and that
was the reunion with their mother.
For humans, the situation is very similar. When we break up with
someone, our attachment system goes into overdrive, and just like the rat