2019-05-01+The+Australian+Womens+Weekly

26 The Australian Women’s Weekly|MAY 2019

PHOTOGRAPHY BY ALANA LANDSBERRY.

Resilience

theirexperience.“Sometimes,it’sjust

exhausting,”admitsKathy.“I thinkRalph

andevenMadeleinewilltellyouthesame

thing.I lookat Madeleineandthink:

You’reonly23.Youhaveyourwholelife

to live,stretchingoutin frontof you,and

witheveryrelationshipyouform,there

willcomea timewhenyouwillhaveto

explainwhathappenedto yourbrothers.

I knowhowexhaustedthatmakesme,

to dothatoverandoveragain.Andyet,

at thesametime,I needto talkabout

them.I needto keepthemalive.I need

to keepthemalivein mymemory.”

Despitethatexhaustion,theKellys

aredeterminedto continuebeingagents

ofchange,andtheThomasKelly

YouthFoundationis about

tomakea changeofits

own:it willsoonbe

knownas StayKind,and

willbelaunchedin July.

“Thereis somuchthat

seemstobewrongwiththe

world,”saysKathy.“But

wefirmlybelievemuch

ofit mightbefixedif we

couldallbea littlekinderto

eachother.Peoplelikeus,

peoplewhohavesufferedtragedy,are

usuallytheoneswhostarta movement

forchange– lookat theMorcombe

family,theDeleziosor TuriaPitt.Theyare

theoneswhogetupanddosomething

tochangetheworldaroundthem.It’s

notjustaboutSydney,notjustabout

Australia.Allof usneedto bebetter

people.If youhadmorekindness,you

wouldn’thavebullyingin schools.You

wouldn’thavekidstakingtheirlives

becauseof somethinganotherkidwrites

onsocialmedia.If everyonewaskind,

youwouldn’thavea gunmanwalking

intoa mosqueandkillingpeopleor

beheadingsontheinternetoranyof

that.“Ifonlywecouldbekindtoeach

other.I don’tknowif wewilleverbe

abletoachievethat,butI oweit tomy

boys– tobothThomasandStuart– to

trytomakethathappen.”AWW

TooSoon,TooLate,byRalphand

KathyKelly,willbepublishedby

UnwinandAllenin May,RRP$32.99.

If youorsomeoneyouknowneedshelp,

contact Lifeline: 13 1114, lifeline.org.au

toomuchdrinkcanfindfirst-aidhelp
andcounselling.
“RalphandI havesometimesargued
aboutthefoundation,”saysKathy.“I
supportit – I alwayshave– butat the
sametime,I feelperhapswemighthave
justacceptedwhathappenedto usand
gotonwithwhatremainedof ourlives.
“Itis stilla verydifficultthingtogo
outin publicandspeakaboutour
experiencesandhowit feels.Butat the
sametime,it is cathartic.I wasat a stage
whereI couldhappilyhavecurledupin
a cornerandneverdoneanotherthing.
Butit’sthefoundationandthework
wedothatgivesmepurpose,andI am
surethatRalphfeelsthesameway.
“It’sa terriblefeelingthatyougo
throughwhenyouloseyourchildren,a
feelingofpowerlessness,ofnothaving
the ability to fight back. This is our

wayoftakingbacka littlecontrolof

thesituation,ofgivingbacktoothers

whomightbein thesamesituation.”

Kathysaysshehasregrets.Shecarries

a deepsenseof guiltaboutStuart,about

notnoticingsignshewasexhibiting,as

wellas somethingfarsadder.“I wasstill

sweptupin theintensegriefof Thomas’

deathwhenStuartdied,”shesays,tears

welling.“I don’tthinkI experiencedthe

sameintensefeelingof griefwhenStuart

died.I wasnumbfromwhatwe’dbeen

through.Butit tookmea whileto realise

howI feltandformetobeginthat

grievingprocessagain.I thinkperhaps

I lethimdown,butI havetriedto

makeupforthatsince.”

Evenso,the

Kellysknowthey

willlivetherest

of their lives with

“This is our

way of

taking back

a little

control.”