THE MOLECULE OF MOREyour goal. For example, relationships we make at networking events are
primarily agentic, and typically result in mutual gain. Affiliative relation-
ships, on the other hand, are for the purpose of enjoying social interac-
tions. The simple pleasure of being with another person, experienced
in the here and now, is associated with H&N neurotransmitters such as
oxytocin, vasopressin, endorphin, and endocannabinoids.
Most relationships have both affiliative and agentic elements.
Friends who like to hang out together in the here and now (affiliative)
may also work on future projects together, such as planning a white-
water rafting trip or an evening at the clubs (agentic). Coworkers with
primarily agentic relationships usually enjoy each other’s company.
Some people are more comfortable in agentic relationships because
they’re more structured, while others prefer affiliative relationships
because they find them more fun. Some people are comfortable with
both, others with neither.
There are personality types for each variety of relationship prefer-
ence. Agentic people tend to be cool and distant. Affiliative people are
affectionate and warm. They are also social, and turn to others for sup-
port. People who are good at both affiliative and agentic relationships
are friendly, accessible leaders, such as Bill Clinton or Ronald Reagan.
Those who are less able to navigate agentic relationships are more likely
to be friendly, accessible followers. Those who have trouble with affilia-
tive relationships but who are skilled with agentic ones may be viewed
as cold and uncaring, whereas those who are poor at both come across
as aloof and isolated.
Agentic relationships are established for the purpose of dominat-
ing one’s environment to extract as much as possible from the avail-
able resources, the domain of control dopamine. Although we think
of domination as an active, even aggressive, activity, it doesn’t have to
be. Dopamine doesn’t care how something is obtained. It just wants to
get what it wants. So an agentic relationship can be entirely passive;
for example, when a manager running an employee meeting gets the
outcome he wants by keeping quiet.
Agentic relationships can easily become exploitative, such as when
a scientist enrolls participants in a dangerous experiment without