Real Communication An Introduction

166 Part 1  Basic Communication Processes

You can still improve your listening skills in situations where you’re expe-

riencing boredom or overexcitement. First, become more conscious about the

situation. Think about how you would deliver the information being discussed

and how you would restructure it or give examples. As you do this, you may

find yourself listening more attentively. Second, avoid daydreaming by taking

notes. Third, relate information to your own life. To illustrate, if you’re sick of

listening to a friend complain for the hundredth time about her problems with

her mother, imagine how you’d feel in the same situation. Your interest in your

friend’s problem may perk up.

Attitudes About Listening

You probably haven’t spent much time analyzing your attitudes and feelings about

the act of listening (who has?). Yet sometimes our attitude is the very thing that

causes our listening struggle. Let’s examine three examples here.

Talking Seems More Powerful Than Listening

In many Western societies, people tend to think that talking is powerful, so

not talking must be weak. By not valuing the power of listening, we neglect it.

Michael listens to his wife only to plan what he’s going to say next; he’s not inter-

ested in what his wife has to say, only in making her listen to him. Katrina thinks

she already knows what others will say; when her sister is speaking to her, she nods

quickly and says, “Yeah, yeah, I know.” If Michael and Katrina remembered that

listening actually empowers us, they would be more effective communicators.

Listening well doesn’t simply mean to stop talking. You have to adjust your

speaking-to-listening ratio (talk less and listen more). If a desire to dominate a

conversation creeps up on you, remind yourself that through the act of listening,

you empower your communication partners to reveal their thoughts, insights,

fears, values, and beliefs (Fletcher, 1999). Equally important, you free yourself to

comprehend multiple concepts and make more connections between ideas

(Dipper, Black, & Bryan, 2005). In the long run, you may even exert more influ-

ence in your relationships because, as people come to think you understand and

relate to them, they will give you more influence.

Overconfidence and Laziness

Randall walked into a status meeting certain that he knew everything that was going

to be said. As he sat through the meeting only half listening to his colleagues tossing

ideas around, his boss began asking him questions that he was unprepared to answer.

Although confident individuals usually understand information better than their less

confident peers (Clark, 1989), many people overestimate their abilities to retain and

recall information. Thus, overconfidence like Randall’s frequently leads to laziness—

failure to prepare or plan for a situation and then failure to pay attention during it.

Listening Apprehension

You may know that many people suffer from public speaking anxiety. But did you

know that many people also struggle with concerns about listening? Listening

apprehension (also called receiver apprehension) is a state of uneasiness, anxiety,

CONNECT

Believe it or not, public
speakers must listen to the
audience to help the audi-
ence listen to the speech.
Chapter 14 describes the
importance of interacting
with the audience rather
than speaking at your lis-
teners: are they yawning,
looking confused, laughing,
or nodding in agreement?
By watching for such ver-
bal and nonverbal cues,
competent speakers adjust
elements of their speaking
(rate, pitch, volume, and so
on) to meet the audience’s
needs.