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FUNERALS
Funerals
Honouring the dearly departed with the
saddest services on PlayStation
(^1) CALL OF DUTY:
ADVANCED WARFARE
Ah yes, the old ‘Hold q to
pay respects’. Between the
exosuit shenanigans, this
forgettable COD finds time
for a funeral you won’t care
a jot about. It turns out
asking players to emotionally
invest in a doomed
background character who
can’t even survive the
openinglevelis futile.
(^2) RED DEAD
REDEMPTION
Even nine years on, John
Marston’s mournful dirt nap
is tough to write about. After
being gunned down by
treacherous government
cronies, John’s wife and son
bury the charismatic cowboy
under a tree on the family
ranch. When that forlorn
melody kicks in, we challenge
yourtearductsnottoflood.
(^3) GOD OF WAR
Never doubt PS4 Kratos has
a soft side. Although 97 per
cent of rebooted GOW’s
action involves
disembowelling trolls and
other Nordic beasties, the
heart of the game is centred
on the big K and Atreus’
quest to spread their lover/
mother’s ashes from the
highest peak in the realm.
We’re sure Mrs Kratos
appreciated the effort.
(^4) METAL GEAR SOLID
3: SNAKE EATER
Naked Snake’s solemn salute
to The Boss is one of the
most touching moments in
the sweeping stealth saga.
During the epilogue, it’s
revealed her defection to
Russia was a ruse, with the
legendary soldier choosing
to die for the US Cold War
cause. Broken at the death
of his idol, Snake tearfully
salutesTheBoss’grave.
(^5) FINAL FANTASY VII
Say hello to gaming’s
‘Bambi’s dead mum’ moment.
During a fateful encounter
between Sephiroth and
Cloud, Aeris is skewered like
a flower-picking sea bass.
Following the dainty florist’s
death, our spiky-haired hero
lays her body to rest in a
pool. Two decades on, we’re
stillnotoverherpassing.
(^6) WOLFENSTEIN 2:
THE NEW COLOSSUS
Not to go all Queen Of Hearts
on you, but “OFF WITH HER
HEAD!” Caroline Becker’s end
comes via way of a brutal
beheading at the evil Nazi
hands of Frau Engel. After
the decapitating deed is
done, Blaz retrieves her
body and takes it back to his
base so that her allies can
hold a memorial for the
badass armoured warrior.
(^7) THE WITCHER 3:
WILD HUNT
Vesemir bows out in heroic
style during an assault by
the Wild Hunt on Kaer
Morhen. Though he dies
attempting to protect Ciri,
his sacrifice turns the tide of
the battle, as the enraged
young Witcher repels the
army with her dormant
powers. Later, Geralt and co.
honourhimwitha pyre.
(^8) GRAND THEFT
AUTO V
RIP, Michael Townley. We
barely knew ye. No time to
grieve, though; let’s welcome
Michael de Santa! GTA V’s
North Yankton opener ends
with a fake funeral. For
co-operating with the FIB,
the agency stages the
crook’s death and gives him
a funeral and new identity.
As a result, Mikey gets to
watchhisownburial.
(^9) HITMAN: BLOOD
MONEY
Now this is how you make an
entrance at your own
funeral. After being
seemingly betrayed and
murdered by his handler, 47
rises from his coffin – the
drug he was injected with
turns out to be a sedative.
Cue Silverballers slaughter
as the slaphead shoots a
church full of agents.
HONOURABLE MENTIONS
Did we miss your favourite funeral? Got a brilliant In The Mood For idea? Show and tell at twitter.com/opm_uk.Max Payne 3
During a flashback to his
drunken NYC days, Max recalls
a cemetery shootout that ends
in a funeral home.Mass Effect 3
After being stabbed by an
assassin, Thane dies in hospital.
Shepard then hosts a service
for the alien asskicker.The Punisher
In the Grey’s Funeral Home
mission, Frank conceals
himself in a coffin, then shoots
up a mob wake.1
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