SEX
Psychosexual therapist
Kate Moyle has spent
years listening to other
people’s sex problems.
Here, she shares the
ones that come up
again and again...People are fascinated about what goes on behind the door
of a psychosexual therapist’s office. We have an innate
curiosity when it comes to sex – particularly the sex lives
of others and what might be considered
‘normal’ – because the narratives that
we’ve picked up during our lifetimes are
skewed and not representative of the full
spectrum of sexuality. So we are always
left wanting to know more. Here are the
questions I get asked most often, and
how I answer them.‘Why does sex change?’
The reality is that the relationships
we have with people change the
more we get to know them, and
the more vulnerable we are able to
be with someone, the more intimate
we become. It is commonly argued by
experts that intimacy and sexual desire
are not bedfellows. And when we are
emotionally close to and invested
in a relationship then we take less risks,
often sexually, for fear of rejection from
our now significant other.
We also get to know each other
better in a physical way; we fall into
an intimate and sexual rhythm and
routine, often without even noticing.
Routine does not promote desire, and
we know that desire, particularly for
women, is context dependent and more
responsive in nature. So, at the start of
relationships, these contexts are always
exciting, holding anticipation and the
unknown. We are excited about what
is to come, and all that goes along
with these sensations contributes to
encourage our sexual accelerators.
However, the reality is, we could
argue that sex isn’t always spontaneous
at the start of relationships. Isn’t
arranging a date, getting ready for
it, going on the date and seeing
what happens, all foreplay?Ask
a
sex
therapist