the times | Thursday December 3 2020 1GT 7
times
A
merica has done
strange things
to Prince Harry.
Once he was simply
a hard-drinking,
Nazi-dressing,
naked pool-playing
minor royal. But
now, thanks to the bizarre new
video he made to mark the launch
of Water Bear — a service called
somewhat redundantly “The Netflix
for documentaries” — it’s clear
that he has now gone full California,
cramming his vocabulary with
an endless barrage of empty
faux-profound psychobabble.
“What if every single one of us was
a raindrop?” he asked at one point.
If you want to talk like Prince
Harry, and you definitely do, here
are some tips.Be slightly meaningless
Apart from the raindrop line, the best
thing that Harry said in his speech
was this: “Being in nature is the most
healing part of life, I truly believe
that’s one reason why it’s there.”
Because while it might sound good
in the moment, on closer inspection
it makes absolutely no sense
whatsoever. A good exercise is to use
this blueprint to describe other things
around you. Try saying: “Drizzle is
the most empowering form of
precipitation, I truly believe that’s
one reason why we have a sky.” Or:
“Bananas are the most holistic food
in the shop, I truly believe that’s one
of the reasons why we have shops.”Be inspirational
Don’t be interesting. To be interesting
is to possess a distinct personality
and a compelling worldview. Being
inspirational, on the other hand,
is a far easier proposition. The
quickest way to be inspirational is to
simply describe everything around
you as inspirational. Activism is
inspirational. Nature is inspirational.
Your shoes, in the right conditions,
have the potential to be inspirational.
What do these things actually inspire
you to do? Nobody knows, and that’s
the beauty of it.Be energised
Again, please don’t confuse being
energised with being enthusiastic.
For example, try to imagine Gwyneth
Paltrow being enthusiastic about
anything. It’s impossible, isn’t it?Help! Prince Harry is now
speaking in Californian
Nevertheless, she is perpetually
energised. Sunrise yoga makes
her energised. Smoothies make
her energised. Wellness makes her
energised. Next time you feel
enthusiastic, try to be a bit more
bland and wan, and you’ll be well
on your way.Talk about raindrops
We really do have to address this.
“What if every single one of us was
a raindrop, and if every single one of
us cared?” might be the most perfect
line ever uttered by a human being.
It works as an inspirational quote
you could put on Instagram. It works
as something you would embroider
on a cushion. It works as the first
line of a genuinely terrible folk
song. What does it mean? Nobody
knows, and that’s what makes it
so perfectly Californian.Ruin common phrases
Have you heard the phrase “actions
speak louder than words”? Of course
you have. But that isn’t Californian
enough for Prince Harry, who chose
to rephrase it as: “For me it’s about
putting the do’s behind the say’s.”
Again, this New Age word salad is
easy enough to replicate. Instead of
saying, “Honesty is the best policy”,
try “For me, it’s about putting the
trues behind the falses.” Instead of
“Attack is the best form of defence”,
try “For me, it’s about putting the
goes behind the stops.” Instead of
saying, “Silence is golden”, say, “For
me, it’s about putting the nothings
behind the somethings”.Have almost no real responsibilities
This is the big one. If you really
want to live in an uplifted cloud of
energised Californian inspiration, it
seems the best way is to have lots of
free time, a fat pillow of disposable
income and no proper job to speak
of. In this regard, Prince Harry was
born to be Californian.
Stuart Heritage‘What if every
single one of us
was a raindrop?’
he asked
in statistics
in numbers — take the quiz
- In a recent survey,
respondents were asked
how long they should
wash their hands for
to protect themselves
from coronavirus.
How many gave the
correct answer?
a. 85 per cent
b. 90 per cent
c. 59 per cent
d. 73 per cent
Source: Reuters Institute - How many meals
were discounted
through the Treasury’s
Eat Out to Help
Out scheme?
a. Over 100 million
b. Over 70 million
c. Over 160 million
d. Over 205 million
Source: HMRC - This profession is
the most trusted by
the public, with
93 per cent saying
they would trust
them to tell the truth,
according to an Ipsos
Mori survey. What is it?
a. Doctors
b. Teachers
c. Professors
d. Nurses
Source: Ipsos Mori - During the first
month of lockdown
we spent on average
how much time per
day watching TV and
streaming videos?
a. 1 hour 29 min
b. 2 hours 53 min
c. 3 hours 5 min
d. 1 hour 58 min
Source: ONS - On average, how
much more time do
working-age men
spend on leisure each
day than their female
counterparts?
a. 19 min
b. 42 min
c. 27 min
d. 36 min
Source: Resolution
Foundation - Approximately
how many individual
Brussels sprouts are
sold at Christmas time?
a. 350 million
b. 200 million
c. 950 million
d. 750 million
Source: ONS - Mabel has made it
into the top 100 girl’s
names. When was it
last in the top 100?
a. 83 years ago
19. Sales of electric
cars have overtaken
diesel cars for the
first time. How many
more electric cars
were registered
between April and
June, compared
with diesel cars?
a. 12,
b. 600
c. 3,
d. 6,
Source: Department for
Transport, as reported
in The Times
20. Imelda Staunton,
below, is to take over
the role as the Queen
in the Netflix series
The Crown. According
to an AI analysis, what
is her compatibility
with this role?
a. 59 per cent
b. 81 per cent
c. 38 per cent
d. 91.2 per cent
Source: The Next Web
b. 36 years ago
c. 96 years ago
d. 57 years ago
Source: ONS- In the first two
weeks of England’s
November lockdown,
how many people
reported leaving their
home to meet others?
a. 39 per cent
b. 15 per cent
c. 4 per cent
d. 64 per cent
Source: ONS - According to a
recent survey, how
many people will be
buying all or most
of their Christmas
presents online?
a. 33 per cent
b. 80 per cent
c. 60 per cent
d. 49 per cent
Source: YouGov - According to a
survey, how many
people said they
drank more than
usual over lockdown?
a. 15 per cent
b. 44 per cent
c. 33 per cent
d. 28 per cent
Source: Alcohol
Change UK - Approximately
how many GP
appointments are
now held online?
a. 20 per cent
b. 50 per cent
c. 60 per cent
d. 30 per cent
Source: Matt Hancock - Demand for
banknotes has
increased to
record-breaking
figures this year.
How many are
in circulation?
a. 4.4 billion
b. 12.6 billion
c. 9.2 billion
d. 22.7 billion
Source: Bank of
England, as reported
in The Times
Answers
are on
page 9