Modern Mandarin Chinese Grammar

iNVitatioNS, reqUeStS, aNd reFUSalS

62.1

In Chinese, giving the listener a choice about whether or not to participate is considered rude.

It implies that the speaker does not want the listener to accept the invitation. Therefore, invita-

tions are often worded as suggestions.

我们去喝咖啡吧！

我們去喝咖啡吧！

Wǒmen qù hē kāfēi ba!

Let’s go drink some coffee!

An invitation may also imply that the speaker will assume the role of ‘host’ and pay for any

expenses involved in the activity. If the speaker specifically invites the addressee with the word

请/請 qǐng ‘please’ (lit. ‘invite’), he or she expects to pay for the activity.

我请你喝咖啡，好吗？

我請你喝咖啡，好嗎？

Wǒ qǐng nǐ hē kāfēi, hǎo ma?

Please have coffee with me.

(lit. ‘I invite you to drink coffee, okay?’)

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62.1.2 accepting and refusing invitations

Words and phrases used to accept invitations include:

好。 行。 可以。

Hǎo. Xíng. Kěyǐ.

Okay. Okay. I can.

Invitations between friends are accepted or rejected without ceremony. However, in more formal

circumstances, it is often not considered polite to accept an invitation at its first offer. Typically,

people refuse an invitation once or twice before accepting, even if they intend to accept all

along. In the same way, the one who gives an invitation does not give up after an initial refusal,

but offers a second or a third time before being certain that the refusal is genuine. This cycle

of refusal and re-invitation is a social ritual in which you are expected to participate.

Expressions that are commonly used for the ritual refusal of an invitation to eat or drink include:

不要客气。 你太客气了。 我不(吃)/(喝)。

不要客氣。 你太客氣了。

Bù yào kèqi. Nǐ tài kèqi le. Wǒ bù (chī)/(hē).

Don’t be polite. You are too polite. I am not (eating)/(drinking).

If you are a guest, you cannot ultimately refuse an offer of a snack or a non-alcoholic drink.

After the ritual refusal, you must accept it, though you need not eat or drink it. If you accept

an invitation for a meal, however, you must eat.

It is acceptable to provide a direct refusal to an invitation to drink an alcoholic beverage or to

smoke. If you do not or cannot drink, say:

我不喝酒。 or 我不会喝酒。

我不喝酒。 我不會喝酒。

Wǒ bù hē jiǔ. Wǒ bù huì hē jiǔ.

I do not drink alcohol. I am not able to drink alcohol.

If you do not smoke, you can refuse a cigarette by saying:

我不抽烟。

我不抽煙。

Wǒ bù chōu yān.

I do not smoke.