Importance of Family Life ••• 117Women naturally wanted to bear sons, who would eventually give them
daughters-in-law to boss around. Parents disciplined their children harshly
but loved them deeply and, if those children were among the few to survive
the rigors of growing up, took great pride in their later achievements. Al¬
though a boy usually learned his father's trade, the gifted son of a peasant
or merchant could get an education and move into the ranks of the ulama
or the bureaucracy. Likewise, a vizier's son might prove to be a bum. Girls
had few opportunities to get an education, but certain occupations were
limited to women, and wives often worked beside their husbands in the
fields or in domestic industries, such as spinning. Ties among brothers, sis¬
ters, and cousins had an intensity (usually love, sometimes hate) that is rare
in the Western experience, because Muslim youths spent so much of their
free time within the family circle.Personal Relationships
Even social ties outside the household were more intense than they are
now. The individual in early Islamic society knew fewer people than in our
more mobile world, but his or her friendships (and enmities) tended to be
stronger and more lasting. Physical as well as verbal expressions of endear¬
ment between same-sex friends were commoner than in the West and did
not imply homosexuality (although such relationships did exist). Men's
friendships were usually based on childhood ties or common membership
in a mystic brotherhood, trade guild, or athletic club. Women's associa¬
tions were limited by custom to kinfolk and neighbors, but they had mys¬
tic sisterhoods, too.
Both men and women entertained their friends, segregated by sex, at
home. Mutual visiting, at which food and drink were shared and news ex¬
changed, was the most common pastime for every class in Islamic society.
The customary time for these visits was late afternoon or early evening, as
the day's heat diminished, or at night during the month of Ramadan.
Large groups of men (or women) liked to gather at someone's house to lis¬
ten to poetry recitations or, less often, musical performances. Both sexes
liked picnics; Egypt and Persia retained pre-Islamic holidays that required
making a spring trip into the countryside for an outdoor meal. The two
great Muslim festivals, the feast of (Abraham's) sacrifice during the hajj
month and the feast of fast-breaking that follows Ramadan, were major
social occasions everywhere. People often gave lavish parties to celebrate
births, circumcisions, and weddings. Funeral processions, burials, and
postburial receptions also played a big part in the social life of Muslims.
Although a death was naturally mourned, survivors consoled themselves