144
History is a natural place to explore in order to discover what human nature encompasses. Events such
as the Civil War and Hurricane Katrina represent what Americans are capable of and from these situations it can
be understood who Americans, both collectively and individually, truly are. Though the Greeks may have been
on the right track with the Olympic games, the prowess they witnessed was merely physical. To dig deeper and
to understand oneself, one must look to a much more substantial event to see what he and his fellow humans are
truly capable of.
Let’s review the strengths and weaknesses of each paragraph before moving on to our second essay.
Philosophers have wondered for centuries what man
is capable of, both individually and on a societal level. In
ancient times, Greeks put humans to the test in the Olympic
games, attempting to determine their capabilities by pushing
them to physical extremes. However, the people of that time
were actually in search of the answer to a larger question;
they were looking to understand one’s inner being. But
looking inside one’s true nature requires a mirror, and
what better mirror than the larger consciousness of one’s
entire community. History presents numerous examples
that demonstrate that to truly understand oneself, one must
look to the motivations and accomplishments of society as
a whole.
HOOK –The hook is an example in
and of itself.EXPLANATION of THESIS – notice
how this student wrote his explanation
BEFORE he laid out his thesis.LIST of EXAMPLES – keeping it
general with “history” is not my
favorite way to list examples. It would
have been better to write: “Americans’
readiness to fight for democracy and
ability to recover from catastrophic
events such as Hurricane Katrina
demonstrate that...”THESIS – notice how this student got
a bit more sophisticated and didn’t just
say, “yes, we need others to understand
ourselves.” He made the topic his own
by getting specific, “we need to look
to the accomplishments of society as
a whole to understand who we are
individually.”