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Addicted to Being a Somebody
When the stress response is turned on, whether in response to a real or
conjured-up threat, a powerful cascade of chemicals rushes into our system
and gives us a strong jolt of energy, momentarily “waking up” our bodies
and certain parts of the brain to put all of our attention on the Big Three.
This is very addictive to us because it’s like drinking a triple espresso—we
get turned “on” for a few moments.
In time, we unconsciously become addicted to our problems, our
unfavorable circumstances, or our unhealthy relationships. We keep these
situations in our lives to feed our addiction to survival-oriented emotions,
so that we can remember who we think we are as a somebody. We just love
the rush of energy we get from our troubles!
Moreover, we also associate this emotional high with every person, thing,
place, and experience in our outer world that is known and familiar. We
become addicted to these elements in our environment as well; we embrace
our environment as our identity.
If you agree that we can turn on the stress response just by thinking, then
it stands to reason that we can get the same rush of addictive stress
chemicals as if we were being chased by a predator. As a consequence, we
become addicted to our very thoughts; they begin to give us an unconscious
adrenaline high, and we find it very hard to think differently. To think
greater than how we feel or to think outside of the proverbial box becomes
just too uncomfortable. The moment we begin to deny ourselves the
substance we are addicted to—in this case, the familiar thoughts and
feelings associated with our emotional addiction—there are cravings,
withdrawal pains, and a host of inner subvocalizations urging us not to
change. And so we remain chained to our familiar reality.
Thus, our thoughts and feelings, which are predominantly self-limiting,
hook us back to all the problems, conditions, stressors, and bad choices that
produced the fight-or-flight effect in the first place. We keep all these
negative stimuli around us so that we can produce the stress response,