Seven naslovi

have come out of nowhere. His heart started racing, and his head was
pounding. He had become flooded, which made it difficult to think
about the problem clearly or come up with a solution. All he wanted
was to escape from his wife's unfair, irrational attitude. He certainly
wasn't in the mood to find a compromise. So, feeling victimized, he
poured himself a beer and turned on the TV When Martha came back
into the room, wanting to talk, he simply ignored her. When she
started to cry, he left the room and announced he was going to bed
early.
There's certainly plenty of blame to go around in this scene.
Martha's harsh startup didn't exactly put Chad in the mood for
compromise. But there is a history to Martha's reaction. Her mother
lived in Canada and she rarely got to see her. Martha had been
planning this visit for a month and had talked to Chad on many
occasions about how excited she was to show her mother their new
house and to have her finally get to spend time with her two
grandchildren.
When Chad announced matter-of-factly that he would be
working late, without even acknowledging the impact it would have
on his mother-in-law's visit, it became clear to Martha that Chad
didn't even remember that her mother was coming. Or if he did
remember, it was such a low priority for him that he didn't consider
his working to be in any way a crisis. He had arrived at his decision
without discussing the problem with her first. Because Chad had a
history of being "in his own world," as Martha described it, she went
ballistic as soon as he made his announcement.
When a couple have an argument like this, there are so many
accusations and counter accusations that sometimes it can be hard to
determine the underlying cause. In the case of Martha and Chad,
though, there's a glaring clue that the fundamental problem is his
unwillingness to be influenced by her: When she becomes negative
("I'm really upset with you"--a straightforward complaint), he
responds by escalating the conflict. Income belligerence and the third
horseman, defensiveness. Martha becomes furious and Chad
becomes flooded, which leads him to stonewall--the fourth
horseman. Their marriage has just taken a nasty tumble down the
cascade toward divorce.