their importance, or how they should be accomplished. If the conflict
is perpetual, no amount of problem-solving savvy will fix it.
The tension will deescalate only when you both feel
comfortable living with your ongoing difference. But when the issue
is solvable, the challenge is to find the right strategy for conquering
it. (If you're not sure whether your conflict is solvable or perpetual,
see page 134.)
Here we've listed these six hot spots, the task they each
represent for a marriage, and practical advice for addressing the
solvable disagreements they often trigger.
Stress and more stressThe task: Making your marriage a place of peace.
Most days Stephanie and Todd get home from work within a
few minutes of each other. Too often, instead of a loving reunion,
they find themselves in a shouting match. Todd, who has been
kowtowing to a difficult boss all day, gets annoyed when he can't
find the mail because Stephanie moved it off the table for the nth
time. Stephanie, who has a deadline at work and knows she'll be up
late working, feels her anger surge when she opens the refrigerator
and discovers nothing but Strawberry Snapple.
"There's no food!" she yells. "I can't believe you didn't go to the
supermarket like you promised. What's wrong with you?"
The real question is what's going wrong between Todd and
Stephanie. The answer is that they are bringing their work stress
home, and it is sabotaging their marriage.
Scheduling formal griping sessions can prevent the Scheduling formal griping sessions can prevent the Scheduling formal griping sessions can prevent the Scheduling formal griping sessions can prevent the
spillover ofspillover ofspillover ofspillover of everyday stress into your marriage.everyday stress into your marriage.everyday stress into your marriage.everyday stress into your marriage.There's no doubt that work stress has become an increasing
factor in marital dissatisfaction. Today's couples work an average of
one thousand hours more each year than people did thirty years ago.