There is less time for talking, relaxing, eating, and even
sleeping. No wonder the days of the cheerful "Honey, I'm home!" are
history for so many families. Most likely "Honey" is working too and
has come home with a stack of papers she needs to prepare for
tomorrow's presentation to a client. Or maybe she's been waiting
tables all day, and the last thing she wants to do is to wait on her
man.
Solution Acknowledge that at the end of a long, stressful day you
may need time to yourselves to decompress before interacting with
each other. If you are feeling suddenly outraged by something your
spouse did, realize that the incident may be overblown in your mind
because you're feeling so tense. Likewise, if your spouse comes home
with a cloud over his head and your "What's wrong?" gets answered
with a snarl, try not to take it personally. He or she probably just had
a bad day. Rather than making the situation worse by lashing out, let
it go.
Build time to unwind into your daily schedule. Make it a ritual,
whether it entails lying on your bed and reading your mail, going for
a jog, or meditating. Of course, some couples find that the easiest way
to relax is to enlist each other's help. If so, try the soothing techniques
described in detail on pages 178179.
Once you're both feeling relatively composed, it's time to come
together and talk about each other's day. Consider this a sanctioned
whining session during which each person gets to complain about
any catastrophes that occurred while the other is understanding and
supportive.
Relations with in-lawsThe task: Establishing a sense of "we-ness," or solidarity, between
husband and wife.
Although mother-in-law jokes told by men are a traditional
staple of comedy routines, the real family tension is more frequently
between the wife and her mother-in-law. Invariably the differences
between the two women's opinions, personalities, and life views
become evident the more time they spend together. A decision to go