Seven naslovi

own family rituals, values, and lifestyle and insist that his mother
(and father) respect them.
For this reason, creating or renewing your sense of solidarity
with your spouse may involve some rending and tearing away from
your primary families. That's the challenge David faced when his
parents came for a weekend visit to his new home, a visit that led to
what he now calls the Great Osso Buco Crisis. Here's what happened:
His wife Janie had made Saturday dinner reservations for all of them
at her favorite Italian restaurant. She was very excited about showing
the restaurant off to her Italian in-laws, especially because she often
felt upstaged by her mother-in-law, who was very knowledgeable
about cuisine. But while she and David were out running errands, the
older woman went to the butcher and the supermarket and prepared
David's favorite dish for dinner--osso buco.
When David and Janie arrived home, the savory aroma of
garlic and veal wafted through the air. Janie was furious--but not
surprised—when David's mother said she "forgot" about the
reservations. David was face to face with a dilemma. The veal looked
delicious, and he knew how hurt his mother would be if he didn't eat
it. He really wanted to tell Janie to cancel the reservations.
Although this hardly sounds like a major crisis, it led to a
turning point in David and Janie's marriage. Janie had dreaded her
in-laws' visit to begin with because she felt her mother-in-law always
acted as if Janie was sweet but incompetent while she was the great
savior who would set their household right. Janie was always polite
but distant with David's mom. Privately she would give David an
earful about what a control freak his mother was. David always
insisted Janie was imagining or exaggerating slights. This just made
her angrier.
Now Janie held her breath as she watched David survey the
feast his mother had prepared. He cleared his throat, put his arm
around his mother, and thanked her for cooking such a wonderful
meal. Then he insisted it would keep for another day in the
refrigerator. He explained that it was important to him and Janie to
share with her and his dad how they liked to spend Saturday night
together as a couple at their favorite restaurant.