Seven naslovi

This doesn’t mean that you have to agree to all of your
partner's requests. It is up to both of you to decide what you feel
okay and safe doing and what you don't. Sexuality is incredibly
malleable, so it is really possible to make accommodations to each
other's desires that will be pleasurable to both of you. For example,
Mike wanted to have sex several times a week, but Lynne thought
once or twice was enough. As a result, Mike felt frustrated and
rejected. Over time he became more insistent that they increase the
frequency. He'd bring home books and all sorts of erotica in an effort
to turn Lynne on. But this just made Lynne feel pressured, which
backfired. As Mike's frustration grew, Lynne's desire dwindled.
By the time they came to our workshop, Lynne and Mike had
no idea how they could work out this issue. We suggested that the
person with the least interest (currently Lynne) needs to feel in
control. We shifted the focus from sex to sensuality. Lynne loved
massages, so we suggested she go to the bookstore and select a book
on massage that appealed to her. We suggested that she be in charge
of the couple's sensual experience. She directed their evenings. While
there was no sex per se, there was a lot of holding and touching.
Gradually, Lynne's sexual desire heightened, and they began to have
sex more frequently--about once a week.
Often expectations get in the way of an optimum love life. Not
all sex has to be of the same quality or intensity. Sometimes it will
feel like you've touched each other to the core of your souls. Other
times it will just be pleasant. Sometimes sex is slow, sometimes it's
brief. Variety can and ought to exist in a sexual relationship. But there
do have to be times when sex is an expression of love. Obviously, the
more often this occurs, the better.
The best way to enrich your love life is to learn about each
other's likes and take the time to remember and memorize these
things, and to use this knowledge in the way your fingers and lips
touch each other. Make sure that this knowledge is really available to
you when you are turned on sexually, and make this knowledge live
in your body and in your sensitivity to your partner's bodily
reactions. This will mean tuning into nonverbal behaviors of your
partner as you are beginning to make love. But try to develop the