childhood. For another it may be to raise children who are good-
hearted and generous. Many times we don't talk about our deepest
goals. Sometimes we haven't even asked ourselves these questions.
But when we start, it gives us the opportunity to explore something
that can have a profound impact on ourselves and our marriage.
Not only will you increase the intimacy of your marriage by
sharing your deepest goals with your spouse, but to the extent that
you work together to achieve shared goals, they can be a path toward
making your union even richer. For example, both Emilie and Alex
were committed to doing volunteer work for their church. Once their
kids were grown, they decided they wanted to leave a spiritual
legacy to their community. So he joined the board of directors of the
religious school, and she started an adult education program at the
church for people who wanted to become reacquainted with their
faith. "I would have done this on my own," says Emilie. "But feeling
in partnership with Alex about the importance of giving something
back to my community and my church has made it an even more
rewarding experience. I feel renewed not just in my faith but in my
marriage as well."
Exercise 3: GoalsTry to explore with your spouse the meaning of goals in your
individual lives and your marriage, ask yourselves the following
questions.
- Write a "mission statement" of what your mission in life is. Write
your own obituary. What would you like it to say? - What goals do you have in life, for yourself, for your spouse, for
your children? What do you want to accomplish in the next five to
ten years? - What is one life dream that you want to fulfill before you die?
- We often fill our time with things that demand our immediate
attention--putting out fires, so to speak. But what are the truly
important things in your life that are great sources of energy and
pleasure that you really need to block out time for, the important
things that keep getting postponed or crowded out?