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Rory was a pediatrician who ran an intensive care unit for
babies. He was beloved at the hospital, where everybody called him
Dr. Rory. He was a reserved man but capable of great warmth,
humor, and charm. He was also a workaholic who slept in the
hospital an average of twenty nights a month. He didn't know the
names of his children's friends, or even the name of the family dog.
When he was asked where the back door to the house was, he turned
to ask his wife, Lisa.
His wife was upset with how little she saw of Rory and how
emotionally unconnected to her he seemed to be. She frequently tried
to make little gestures to show him she cared, but her attempts just
annoyed him. She was left with the sense that he simply didn't value
her or their marriage.
To this day I'm struck by the story of this couple. Here was an
intellectually gifted man who didn't even know the name of the
family dog or how to find the back door! Of the many problems their
relationship faced, perhaps the most fundamental was Rory's
shocking lack of knowledge about his home life. He had become so

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