Seven naslovi

(Ann) #1

caught up in his work that little space was left over in his brain for the
basics of his wife's world.
As bizarre as Rory's rampant ignorance may sound, I have
found that many married couples fall into a similar (if less dramatic)
habit of inattention to the details of their spouse's life. One or both
partners may have only the sketchiest sense of the other's joys, likes,
dislikes, fears, stresses. The husband may love modern art, but his
wife couldn't tell you why or who his favorite artist is. He doesn't
remember the names of her friends or the co worker she fears is
constantly trying to undermine her.
In contrast, emotionally intelligent couples are intimately
familiar with each other's world. I call this having a richly detailed
love map--my term for that part of your brain where you store all the
relevant information about your partner's life. Another way of saying
this is that these couples have made plenty of cognitive room for their
marriage. They remember the major events in each other's history,
and they keep updating their information as the facts and feelings of
their spouse's world change. When she orders him a salad, she knows
to ask for his dressing on the side. If she works late, he'll tape her
favorite TV show because he knows which one it is and when it's on.
He could tell you how she's feeling about her boss, and exactly how
to get to her office from the elevator. He knows that religion is
important to her but that deep down she has doubts. She knows that
he fears being too much like his father and considers himself a "free
spirit." They know each other's goals in life, each other's worries, each
other's hopes.
Without such a love map, you can't really know your spouse.
And if you don't really know someone, how can you truly love them?
No wonder the biblical term for sexual love is to "know."


In knowledge there is strength

From knowledge springs not only love but the fortitude to weather
marital storms. Couples who have detailed love maps of each other's
world are far better prepared to cope with stressful events and

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