The Whole-Brain Child

that lets her replay an experience in her mind. It can also pause,
rewind, and fast-forward. Just like you might fast-forward through
the scary parts of a movie or rewind to watch your favorite scene
again, the remote of the mind is a tool that gives your child some
control while revisiting an unpleasant memory. Here’s how one
father used this technique.
David’s ten-year-old son, Eli, surprised him by saying that he
didn’t want to race a Pinewood Derby car this year with his Cub
Scout troop. David was taken aback, because one of Eli’s highlights
every winter was working alongside his dad as they carved,
shaped, and painted a block of pinewood until it was transformed
into a sports car. After several conversations, David realized that
Eli was unwilling to go anywhere near the woodworking tools,
especially the ones with blades. From there it was fairly easy to
make the connection between Eli’s new phobia and an episode
from months earlier.
The previous summer, Eli had taken his pocketknife to the park
without his parents’ permission. He and his friend Ryan had
enjoyed cutting and whittling with the knife, until an accident
occurred. While cutting a root, Ryan had sliced through it and
jabbed the knife into his leg, leading to lots of blood and an
ambulance ride to the emergency room. A few stitches later he was
ɹne and didn’t even seem too traumatized by the whole event. But
Eli was beyond distressed as he waited at his house, wondering
whether Ryan was OK. A compassionate, responsible boy, Eli
couldn’t get over the fact that it was his knife, taken to the park
without permission, that had hurt his friend and caused so much
trouble. The parents of the two boys got them together that
evening and let them talk through what had happened, and both
apparently moved on. But now, months later, the memory was
clearly working on Eli again, without his knowledge. He apparently
had no awareness that he was afraid of the woodworking tools