The Whole-Brain Child

hundreds of times they’ve watched their older siblings hit, kick,
and throw a ball. At the most complex level, mirror neurons help
us understand the nature of culture and how our shared behaviors
bind us together, child to parent, friend to friend, and eventually
spouse to spouse.
Now let’s take another step. Based on what we see (as well as
hear, smell, touch, and taste) in the world around us, we can
mirror not only the behavioral intentions of others, but also their
emotional states. In other words, mirror neurons may allow us not
only to imitate others’ behaviors, but actually to resonate with
their feelings. We sense not only what action is coming next, but
also the emotion that underlies the behavior. For this reason, we
could also call these special neural cells “sponge neurons” in that
we soak up like a sponge what we see in the behaviors, intentions,
and emotions of someone else. We don’t just “mirror back” to
someone else, but we “sponge in” their internal states.
Notice what happens when you’re at a party with friends. If you
approach a group that’s laughing, you’ll probably ɹnd yourself
smiling or chuckling even before you’ve heard the joke. Or have
you noticed that when you’re nervous or stressed out, your kids
will often be that way, too? Scientists call this “emotional
contagion.” The internal states of others—from joy and playfulness
to sadness and fear—directly aʃect our own state of mind. We
soak other people into our own inner world.
You can see, then, why neuroscientists call the brain a social
organ. It’s absolutely built for mindsight. We are biologically
equipped to be in relationships, to understand where other people
are coming from, and to inɻuence one another. As we’ve explained
throughout the book, the brain is actually reshaped by our
experiences. That means that every discussion, argument, joke, or
hug we share with someone else literally alters our brain and that
of the other person. After a powerful conversation or time spent