the consequences. Whenever you can do so responsibly, avoid
solving and resist rescuing, even when they make minor mistakes
or not-so-great choices. After all, your goal here isn’t perfection on
every decision right now, but an optimally developed upstairs
brain down the road.
Controlling Emotions and the Body
Another important—and diɽcult—task for little ones is to remain
in control of themselves. So we need to give them skills that help
them make good decisions when they are upset. Use the techniques
you’re probably already familiar with: Teach them to take a deep
breath, or count to ten. Help them express their feelings. Let them
stomp their feet or punch a pillow. You can also teach them what’s
happening in their brains when they feel themselves losing control
—and how to avoid “ɻipping their lid.” (We’ll help you with this in
the “Whole-Brain Kids” section at the end of the chapter.)
Even small children have the capacity to stop and think instead
of hurting someone with their words or their ɹsts. They won’t
always make good decisions, but the more fully they practice
alternatives other than lashing out, the stronger and more capable
their upstairs brain will become.
Self-understanding
One of the best ways to foster self-understanding in your children
is to ask questions that help them look beyond the surface of what
they understand: Why do you think you made that choice? What
made you feel that way? Why do you think you didn’t do well on your
test—was it because you were hurrying, or is this just really diɽcult
material?
This is what one father did for his ten-year-old, Catherine, as he