The Conscious Parent

how unconsciously we are behaving and catch ourselves.
Maybe we still become anxious over something our child does, but
instead of generating intense mental agitation that results in an entire
day of emotional drama, we are able to calm ourselves after an hour or
so, drop our reactivity, and sit in our anxiety simply watching it.
When a parent tells me they are upset that they lost control of their
emotions in front of their child, they expect me to judge or guilttrip
them. Instead, I congratulate them. I say, “Now we know how your
unconscious looks, which is an important step forward.” It is indeed an
important step forward, because most people in the world have no clue
that their reactivity is a manifestation of unconsciousness. To realize this
about ourselves is a huge breakthrough.
It’s vital to accept unequivocally that we are going to unleash our
unconsciousness from time to time. The conscious parent knows how to
use the emergence of their unconsciousness in a manner that’s ultimately
healing. They know how to recognize a reaction, albeit after the fact.
They aren’t afraid to confront their unconsciousness. They live by the
dictate, “I expect to be triggered, entangled, overwhelmed, and to engage
in egoic parenting at times. However, I will use the lessons embedded in
these occasions to evolve as a person and to help my children evolve as
well.”
As parents, we are often forced to react to our children with blinding
speed, following our gut instincts, often not pausing for reflection before
choosing our response. Before we know it, we have escalated a particular
dynamic and within no time find ourselves caught in a negative equation
with our children.