The Conscious Parent

Peter had created many negative interpretations around his son’s
acting out, all of which were personal. These interpretations involved
such judgments as “my son doesn’t care about my feelings,” “my son is
disrespectful of me,” or, “my son is purposely being defiant.” None of
these interpretations served to improve either Peter’s or Andrew’s state
of mind, yet this is how most of us react to situations we are
uncomfortable with.
Whenever we make personalized interpretations of others’ behavior,
we risk plunging ourselves into cauldrons of roiling emotion. Were we to
make depersonalized, neutral interpretations, we wouldn’t suffer the
consequences of negative emotions. Peter’s interpretations evinced no
neutrality, let alone curiosity about his son’s behavior. None of his
interpretations suggested “my son is in pain and needs help,” “my son is
crying out for help and doesn’t know how to behave right now,” or “my
son has need of my patience as he passes through this difficult phase of
identity-confusion.” Instead, the interpretations Peter put on Andrew’s
behavior generated intense mental resistance to this behavior, rendering
him incapable of responding in an as is manner. To respond as is
engenders not just acceptance, but indeed reverence for the individual’s
unique path.
Interpretation happens in a split second, as we decide that something is
either in tune with our ego attachments or isn’t. As long as life mirrors
our ego attachments, we are fine. The moment it dares to contradict our
deeply held assumptions of how things are supposed to be, we lose our
centeredness.
All dysfunction involves our deeply personalized interpretations of the