The Conscious Parent

unacceptable behavior is introduced. Whether this “no” is appropriately
delivered and consistently applied sets the stage for all later behavioral
dynamics between parent and child.
Unlike in infancy, our role as parents is no longer simply to nurture
and be, but is also about being firm, consistent, and—if this is what’s
demanded of us on occasion—the “bad guy.” If we fail to sow the seeds
of containment when our children are toddlers, we will find it all the
more difficult to do so when they are twelve.
Containment, which is a topic we will cover in depth in a much later
chapter, requires building muscles of awareness. Discipline is ultimately
all about the creation of moment-by-moment awareness. To the degree
this is in the forefront of our mind, we are able to function as our
toddler’s container in a manner that’s spiritually regenerative, exercising
our authority in a conscious, engaged, nurturing way.
For instance, when our toddler throws a tantrum, we can either walk
away (assuming we are in a place it’s safe to do so), or we can stay very
present and calm, simply bearing witness. Which route is most beneficial
in a particular situation depends on how we judge our toddler will
tolerate our actions, which will be dependent on their developmental
level and individual personality. Either route offers the possibility of
alerting our toddler that it has boundaries. A keen awareness will guide
us as to which approach to take.
What do I mean by “containment?” When a toddler bites something it
isn’t supposed to or throws a tantrum, we need to bring its focus to this
and say, “No, this isn’t okay.” We may find we are constantly saying
“no,” but don’t believe for a moment that this is an exercise in futility.