The Conscious Parent

relationships or other pursuits, at this point in the game your strategy
must be that of acceptance. If you respond with control or dogmatism,
you will push your teens further away. The less rigid you are with them,
the more likely they are to maintain a relationship with you. If you are
overbearing and possessive, this will serve only to catapult them further
into negative behavior.
Parents naturally ask, “Does this mean we just let them take drugs or
drop out of school?”
I explain, “The time when they are going to seek our permission has
passed. Our teens will do exactly what they wish, which is directly
related to how they were raised. At this point, we have to remove
ourselves from any illusion we can control their life. The only way to
gain access to them is through rebuilding our lost connection.”
The key spiritual lesson for parents during these years is that we must
reorient our relationship with our teens to one of true kinship and
partnership. I repeat: the key is trust. This isn’t a time for fear and
anxiety on our part, but for confidently assuring ourselves, “Now I can
sit back and enjoy you like never before. Finally, we can release each
other from our old roles. Are you ready to create a new relationship with
me—one in which I can partner with you?”
Your teens will shut you out if you don’t respect their need for privacy
and space. They will turn a deaf ear to your wisdom if they feel you
overstep your bounds. They will stop coming to you with their problems
if all they hear is caution and lack of trust. It’s therefore imperative they
know wholeheartedly that you don’t harbor a desire to impose your
agenda on them. They will only come to you when they are able to sit in