The Conscious Parent

evaluating, and theorizing. The modern mind is so busy, we have lost our
ability to meet a person or a situation with neutral energy. Instead, when
we face an “other,” be it a person or an event, we immediately impose on
the individual or the situation our preconceived ideas of right and wrong,
good or bad.
Witness the parent who responds to uncomfortable aspects of their life
with anxiety, frustration, anger, and cursing. Sit in traffic with them and
observe how they judge and label their experiences. They are unable to
calmly note the fact they are sitting in traffic and be at peace with this,
unable to find themselves in a difficult situation and just note that it
feels difficult. Such a parent leaves a legacy for their children that
mandates all life experiences be judged and labeled, especially the “bad”
ones. When we are unable to meet our children’s reality from a state of
being, they learn that life cannot simply be experienced as is.
All of this “doing” is an attempt to assuage our sense of
incompleteness, as can be seen from the example of a mother who gives
up her own life to be with her children, only to engage in endless activity
“for her children’s sake.” Outwardly, she may appear a devoted mother,
taking her children to ballet classes and baseball games, cooking and
cleaning for them constantly. However, because her sense of self is
predicated on what she does for her children, her giving is conditional.
Since her helter-skelter schedule is driven by her need to soothe her own
angst, she is unable to be present to her children’s needs and instead uses
her children vicariously to fulfill her unfulfilled fantasies. If her children
fail to contort themselves to her requirements, she can’t tolerate it,
which leads to an even more unhealthy dynamic of manipulating her