The Conscious Parent

of questions such as, “Then what?”—we free our children of the fear of
how they will look or how they will perform, and instead allow them to
learn without inhibition. It’s because of our incessant focus on the end
product that our children fail to learn the skills necessary to tolerate
ordinariness, frustration, and even failure.
When my daughter was six years old and it came time for
parentteacher conferences, all the moms and dads signed up for a
conference time, but neither my husband nor I were able to work our
schedules around the openings on the sign-up list. At first I thought, “My
daughter’s teacher will think I’m irresponsible.” As time passed, I
realize I didn’t need to be so attached to what her teacher might think of
me, or even to what her teacher was going to say about her. Not that her
teacher’s comments wouldn’t be helpful; after all, we can all learn from
another’s perspective, especially when they spend so much time with our
children. However, because for the most part I knew how my daughter
was doing as a person, I didn’t need to concern myself with whether she
knew her math, reading, and writing. Rather than knowing how good a
student she is at school, my focus was on how good a student she is at
life. I would rather know about her process in terms of living than her
progress in terms of grades. I’m primarily interested in whether she’s
kind and compassionate, emotionally flexible and resilient, expressive
and playful, spontaneous and authentic—elements I already see around
our home. I know that if my daughter is successful as a person, she’ll
take care of the other aspects of her education in her own way and at her
own pace. As it turned out, my husband and I were able to arrange a later
appointment with the teacher.