The Conscious Parent

abuse her. So accustomed was she to feeling disempowered that she
automatically embodied a position of weakness, whereas her sons needed
her to be strong and clear. Even when, having missed all the cues, she
finally exploded, she was still unable to own her emotions, instead
displacing them onto her children, causing them to feel guilty for
“making” her so upset. Far from being “bad,” the boys were just doing
what boys do, whereas their mother had failed them miserably.
Stephanie’s example reveals how we so easily become mired in our own
patterns, which often have little to do with the behavior we are
addressing in our children. Instead of responding to our children’s
behavior, we are driven by our own anxiety.
So many well-intentioned parents perpetuate chaos in their children’s
behavior. This is because stepping out of our own ego and lifescripts to
discipline our children effectively feels alien to us. If we aren’t alert to
our ego and the scripts that drive us, we can’t engage our children in the
manner we need to. Unaware of our emotional triggers and our level of
comfort with conflict, we react from emotional blindness.
Conscious parenting isn’t about being lovey-dovey and touchyfeely all
the time. When we parent consciously, we don’t give our children a
green light to behave inappropriately, and neither do we automatically
place their needs ahead of ours. To allow our children to behave as if
they were wild, without regard for how this affects those around them, is
to raise little monsters. Teaching our children how to appropriately
contain their authenticity and manage their emotions is essential. For
this reason, to be unyielding when required goes hand-in-hand with
yielding when appropriate. Setting boundaries, saying “no,” and being