The Conscious Parent

actions in a personal way.
If there’s an aspect of parenting that has the power to truly expose our
attachment to control and our inability to tolerate any deviance from our
vision of the way things should be, it’s when our children behave in a
manner beyond the confines of our expectations. At such times, we get to
see how rigid, dogmatic, dictatorial, and even tyrannical we can be. We
witness the extent of our unconsciousness.
It had never occurred to me that I would have to discipline my
daughter on a heavenly day at the beach. I presumed that because I was
in a good mood and the weather was so beautiful, my daughter’s mood
would follow suit. However, the need for discipline rarely occurs at the
“perfect time.” When containment is required, it must be provided
regardless of the situation. Correction of a child’s acting out always
needs to occur in the present moment. This is something we have to be
absolutely consistent about. A swift here-and-now response coupled with
later processing of their feelings are both key components to teaching
containment.
I violated the principle of correcting my child in the present moment
because I didn’t want the outing to be spoiled. By trying to avoid
disciplining her, I made the situation worse. Unable to stay neutral and
take the right action, I was more upset that my day was being ruined than
I was with the fact my daughter was acting inappropriately. This is the
essential difference between merely trying to get a child to “behave” and
teaching the child containment.
These days I remind myself frequently, “I will respond to my child in
the here-and-now. If her behavior asks for validation, I will be present