The Conscious Parent

Conflicts with our children are inevitable. Although they don’t make us
feel good and we prefer to avoid them, they can actually be valuable
opportunities for growth.
When a parent avoids conflict, afraid to take decisive action on behalf
of their child, they are equally afraid of taking a stand that’s
demonstratively loving or protective. Such parents raise children who,
because they have learned to doubt their essential being, exude a low
sense of worth.
Conflict is often generated when there’s a battle of wills as a result of
engaging in rigid thinking. The first step to transcending a conflict is to
examine our own thinking and the unconscious ways we battle for
control.
Imagine it’s your mother’s eightieth birthday and the pretty party
dress you spent a fortune on for your four-year-old is lying in a heap on
her bedroom floor. Unless she’s allowed to wear her old, dirty sneakers
and favorite jeans, she refuses to go to the party. As she looks at you
with that all-too-familiar “see what I can do” glint in her eye, her chin
defiantly thrust forward, feet firmly glued to the floor, she is waiting to
see whether you will retreat to the cowardly shadows of bribes or, better
still, fall on your knees and plead. With your anger churning, fantasies of
“really showing her who’s boss” flash through your mind. Your voice
rises. She cries and flails. You yell louder. She stomps and kicks. An
hour has passed. She wins. She wears the sneakers and jeans to the party.
You have aged five years.
Every parent has been in a situation in which they have thought to
themselves, “My child is purposely acting like this, so I’m going to show