The Conscious Parent

and study   for a   whole   hour    but instead commend them    each    time    they

study   for ten minutes.    If  your    child   has been    talking rudely  to  one of

their   friends,    the first   time    they    talk    politely—and    every   consequent  time

—you    note    this    behavior    and reinforce   it.

When    you focus   on  wholesome   behavior,   and especially  good

intentions, you invite  your    children    to  turn    toward  the light   within  them.

Just    like    a   flower, they    have    a   propensity  for turning themselves  toward

this    light.  The issue   is: Do  you believe your    children    need    to  be

motivated   by  what’s  good    in  them    or  in  punitive    ways?   How you answer

this    question    determines  your    approach    to  the entire  parenting   process.

For instance,   if  your    child   earns   a   C   in  school, to  reprimand   or  punish

them    fails   to  address what’s  really  happening.  Do  they    respect their

limitations,    and are they    working to  overcome    these   limitations if

possible?   Are they    learning    how to  be  humble  by  embracing   their

ordinariness,   accepting   themselves? Are they    engaging    the subject

matter, enjoying    learning?   Are they    truly   present in  their   schooling

experience? These   are the primary issues  at  such    a   time,   not the specific

matter  of  grades.

When    you focus   on  grades  and developmental   charts, thinking    to

yourself,   “I  know    my  child   can do  better, so  I   must    push    him or  her,”   you

project divine  characteristics onto    the A   grade   or  their   ability to  be  potty

trained by  two.    In  so  doing,  you fail    to  see the divine  at  work    in  the C

grade   or  in  behavior    you deem    “lazy,” “unmotivated,”  or  “attention-

deficit.”   The conscious   parent  sees    the divine  in  all of  these   things.

THE RULE ABOUT RULES