stealing, and may go so far as to stop communicating with us.
To the degree we are able to let go of our need for conformity, we will
be able to enter into mutually enhancing and reciprocal relationships
with our children. Hierarchical ways of relating that focus on “authority”
become a thing of the past.THE EGO OF BEING “IN CONTROL”
When we are raised by parents who value emotional control over
emotional expression, we learn early how to painstakingly monitor our
emotional responses, weeding out those that evoke disapproval. Because
we believe an outburst of emotional expression is a weakness,
suppressing our emotions becomes an automatic tactic.
Simultaneously, we develop rigid standards for those around us, as
well as for life itself. We feel a need to exert our control over life by
passing judgment on situations and expressing disapproval. The illusion
of superiority gives us the feeling we are in charge of our emotions and
somehow above the vagaries of life.
Wielding power over others through control, criticism, reprimand,
guilt-tripping, judgment, or demonstrating our superior “knowledge” is
an indicator not of a superior soul but of an impoverished soul. When a
child never gets to witness its parents in a state of weakness or
childishness, let alone as simply fumbling, bumbling humans, how can
this child risk revealing its own weaknesses?
Growing up stifled in this way, we stop ourselves from exploring,
taking risks, and thereby making mistakes. We fear the silent
disapproval of our parents. Because we “just know” they will disapprove,