we swear. Punishments don’t happen in the real world unless crimes are
committed. When people are punished for something, they seldom pause
for self-examination. Resentment is the more common reaction.
The same holds true for children. When we send kids to bed early
because they sassed us, we are doling out punishment. When children tote
home all Ds and Fs on a report card and we rescind television privileges
for two months, we are not allowing the consequences of mistakes to do
the teaching.
LOVE AND LOGIC TIP 22
Warning: Good Parents Don’t Give WarningsImagine that you’re heading down the freeway doing 85 in a 70-mph
zone. You see the multicolored lights of doom blinking in your
rearview mirror, and you think of one thing, and one thing only:
“I’m going to get a ticket.” The cop saunters up to your car, nice as
can be, writes the ticket, bids you adieu, and is on his merry way. He
offers no hysterics, no anger, no threats. Just courtesy and a little
slip of paper — the consequences of your breaking the law.
As an adult, you would never think, in your wildest
imaginings, of telling him, “I’ll be good, officer. Honest, I
won’t speed anymore,” and having him say, “Well, okay. If
you’ll be good, I won’t write you a ticket.” That is the stuff of
fantasy. But how often in our homes is our kids’ pleading met
with parental shilly-shallying?
Little Adam is a terror at the table. He pouts and complains
and whines and builds miniature motocross courses on his plate
on which he pushes peas up and down ramps of celery stalks
and mini-mountains of mashed potatoes.
Mom, thinking she’s consequential, says, “Okay, Adam, your
dinner’s over. Off to your room.”
Adam says, “I’ll be good.”
And what does Mom say but, “Oh, well, okay. Are you sure