note is to explain why you were absent from school. But you know I only
write notes for you when you’re sick. Hope it works out okay with your
teacher though. Have a nice day, under the circumstances.”
There’s no question — doing this takes guts! But the reward of
changed behavior is worth it. These consequences all fall naturally and fit
the “crime” of not getting up in time for school. Cole misses school, he’s
out of his mom’s hair just like any other school day, and he doesn’t get a
note.
Amazingly, kids never seem to miss more than two days of school in a
row with this technique. Without the company of others and without the
attention of a parent who nags them, they become conspicuously
unhappy.
LOVE AND LOGIC TIP 23
A Real-World Bus ServiceWhen Jordan, age twelve, first came into our (Foster’s) home as a
foster son, we knew he was passive-resistant and would have trouble
being on time. His “thing” was being late. Therefore, during his first
week with us, we arranged a learning experience for him.
Jordan wanted to be dropped off in town and meet us at a
grocery store about ten miles from our mountain home. I told
Jordan I would be glad to drop him off in town and that I could
meet him at the grocery store at 5:00 p.m. Then I added,
“Jordan, I operate like the bus service does in the real world.
However, I’m a little bit more lenient. I will wait three minutes.
If you are at the grocery store between 5:00 and 5:03, I’ll pick
you up. If, for some reason, you can’t make that time, don’t
worry. I’ll swing back past and wait from 10:00 to 10:03. If,
due to poor planning, you can’t make it then, don’t worry. I’ll
swing by at seven tomorrow morning on my way to work. I’ll
wait from 7:00 to 7:03.”
Well, I knew Jordan would test me, and he did. When I went