• “Oh, no, I’m glad that’s not my paper (report card,
grade, late assignment, specific problem). You must feel
awful. What can you do?”
• “Hmmm, that’s really an interesting way of looking at
it. Let me know how that turns out.”
• “Wow, what a mess. Let me know what you come up
with.”When we make these types of comments we don’t put
ourselves up against our kids; we put ourselves squarely on
their side, and on the side of their learning from their mistakes.
They need to know we will be with them through it all but that
we will not take away any of their responsibility in the process.Michelle was well on her way to becoming a Love and Logic parent.
She strove to give away the control she didn’t need, and she always made
sure Brianne, her sixth-grade daughter, had to do more thinking than she
did.
When Brianne came home from school one day with a D on her
spelling test, Michelle’s parenting philosophy was put to a more rigorous
test. Michelle kept hearing a voice in her head that said, “This could be a
great opportunity. Don’t blow it by reminding her.” And Michelle didn’t
reprimand her daughter. She also knew that the teacher had provided the
consequence, so she didn’t say anything about that either.
Michelle did exactly what she knew was right. She felt sorry for her
daughter. She balanced the consequences with an equal amount of
empathy. She said, “Oh, it must really be embarrassing to get a D. I bet
it’s hard to face your teacher when you haven’t done your studying. I bet
you feel awful.”
Brianne got very quiet and was thinking about what she had done. Then
Michelle thought of a Love and Logic principle: When you run out of
things to say, transfer the problem to the youngster by asking a question.
So Michelle said, “What are you going to do, Brianne?”
Brianne, with a downcast face, meekly replied, “I don’t know what I’m