MOM: “Alicia, I notice that you’re kind of bossy with those other
kids. Do you ever worry that this might make them not like you?
They wouldn’t be your friends anymore then.”
ALICIA: “Aw, they’d still be my friends.”
MOM: “I just wonder how it’ll work out. Of course, you might be
one of those rare people who can boss others around and still make
them be friends. What do you think? Have you figured out any ways
you can boss them around and still keep them as friends?”
ALICIA: “I don’t know.”
MOM: “Well, I’ll be interested to watch and see how it goes. I hope
it works out for you.”Chances are that somewhere along the line it won’t work out. The real
world will drive the lesson home: Rudeness equals losing friends and
making enemies. Other kids happily provide learning experiences for
bossy kids like Alicia. Then when Alicia returns to Mom’s side with her
problem, Mom can express the sadness of a true friend:
MOM: “Oh, so that really didn’t work out, huh, Alicia?”
ALICIA: “No.”
MOM: “That’s really sad. What do you suppose you’ll do to get your
friends back?”
ALICIA: “I don’t know.”
MOM: “I sure hope that works out for you. If you ever decide you
want me to give you some ideas about working with other kids so
they don’t feel bossed around, let me know. I’ll be glad to talk to
you about it.”Telling our kids not to be so bossy only bosses them and makes them
mad at us, and the bossiness will continue. But putting the burden of the
problem on their shoulders and always being nearby with a word of
advice if it’s asked for will push them toward a solution.