Foster remembers a time in therapy when the child said, “I always
wanted to call Susan “Mom” but I was never really sure she wanted
me to.” What to call the authority figures should at least be
discussed.Guideline Ten: In the case of a remarriage, the birth parent must
completely back the stepparent in discipline. The parent must let
the child know that his or her new spouse is a lifetime partner.Divorce occurs in just over half of our families today. While this is
regrettable, it should be faced honestly and used as an opportunity to
learn how to help our children develop coping skills. Sometimes parents
worry about when to tell their children about an impending divorce, but
when is not nearly as important as how the children are told.
Overdoing apologies indicates guilt. Not surprisingly, many children
take advantage of guilt-ridden adults. A guilty-sounding parent may
unknowingly be conveying, “If it weren’t for my problems, you wouldn’t
be acting this way, so you have every reason to complain, treat me with
disrespect, and behave inappropriately.” Instead, Love and Logic parents
are not overly apologetic.
In talking with our kids about divorce, we might follow the example of
how this mother counseled her daughter Courtney:
MOM: “So, Courtney, do you think you’ll be affected by the
divorce, or will it have no effect on you?”
COURTNEY: “I think it’s pretty bad.”
MOM: “Why’s that?”
COURTNEY: “I don’t want you to get divorced from Dad.”
MOM: “But you know we fight all the time.”
COURTNEY: “Yeah, but I try to be good so you won’t fight.”
MOM: “Do you think we fight over you not being good, or do we
fight over other things?”
COURTNEY: “I don’t know.”
MOM: “Well, I want you to know that your dad and I do fight a lot,