who for one reason or another — whether it is because they are
unsure of how to handle their child or have become confused by the
variety of parenting opinions and advice out there — decide to let
their children raise themselves. Some have bought into the theory
that children are innately born with the ability to govern themselves,
if just given the time and opportunity, and will eventually grow into
successful, creative people if the parent would just stay out of the
way and not interfere. Others believe that they should be their
child’s best friend and that preserving that relationship is more
important than teaching the child any form of self-discipline or
character. Others feel guilty for working out of the home and
spending so little time with their kids. Rather than holding their
children accountable for their actions, they simply let them run free,
believing that “quality” time will make up for the lack of “quantity”
of time they spend with their children and that responsibility will
eventually rub off on the children during the right “quality”
moments. Still others just don’t know what to do anymore, so they
have given up trying.
We would like to emphasize that, in fact, this is not really a
parenting type but a cop-out or misunderstanding of parenting
responsibilities. As Jim likes to say, “If children were meant to
run the home, they would have been born larger.” While
children should be able to decide between safe and responsible
options (as we will explain in the next section), we do not
advocate letting them decide everything for themselves or even
learning from natural consequences that may have damaging
effects. The love part of Love and Logic emphasizes the
nurturing of the child toward the responsible, competent person
the parent and society believe the child can be. This will take
some thought and preparation on the parents’ part, but as you
will see in the following chapters, the results are well worth the
effort and involvement.
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