parents realize that in order for their children to succeed, their kids need
to learn to make their own decisions and that, in doing so, sometimes
they will exert their independence by choosing, consciously, to fail!
I (Jim) used to insist that my son, Charlie, dress for the weather on
chilly Colorado mornings. “Charlie,” I’d say, “it’s cold out this morning.
You’d better wear your heavy coat.” Sure enough, he’d grab his little
slicker — the lightest coat he owned — and waltz out the door.
Unwittingly, I was taking away his best choice. I thought I was
ensuring that Charlie would be warm waiting for the bus, but he chose to
be cold instead. He was exerting his free will.
But I wised up. I would instead say, “Charlie, it’s twenty degrees out.
You might want to wear a coat.” This offered him a range of choices from
worst to best (kids always seem to discount the first option we give
them). In the end, Charlie decided to exert his free will with a warm coat.
So the paradox is that parents who try to ensure their children’s
successes, often raise unsuccessful kids! But the loving and concerned
parents who allow for failure wind up with kids who tend to choose
success. These are the parents who take thoughtful risks. As God gives
each of us choices, we can do no less for our own beloved children.
The Love and Logic approach helps kids raise their odds of becoming
thinking individuals who choose success. As parents, this means we must
allow for failures and help our kids make the most of them during their
elementary school days, when the price tags are still reasonable.
Learning at Affordable Prices
Today’s kids suffer from inflation. The cost of learning how to live in our
world is going up daily. The drugs our children will be tempted with are
more potent than those we faced even a decade ago, sexually transmitted
infections are more widespread and more deadly, the media is more
graphic, Internet predators and pornographers are doing more to get to
wider audiences, school violence is scarier than ever, and the list goes on.
The price a child pays today to learn about friendships, school, learning,